Above the fold

Lefty and Shorty Take Dead Aim at the Gun Debate

Way way back in 1964, or 5, or 6 I frequently made a Sunday PM trip to the Gulf Gas Station a couple of miles from our house.  I did not know it then, but it was on that road and back that my father (Boom Boom) began teaching his lessons of life to me.

Lefty and Shorty were the amiable service station attendants.  Well, that’s what they were called back then as every pump was full serve. Sunday’s were slow.  We had their full attention.   Dad interacted with them as they checked the oil, washed the windshield, pumped the gas, and took the money.  He tipped them as well.  They were the main characters in the first lesson I learned.  They were funny. They always had a back and forth to their banter.  And, they always had a kind word or three for me.

I’m gallantly attempting to write my first book.  Lefty and Shorty “star” in the first chapter.  What was the first lesson?  Sorry, you ‘ll have to wait for the book (my publicist, if I had one, would be SO proud).

If Lefty and Shorty were alive today their exchange based on recent events and subsequent headlines might go something like the below.

Lefty -All of these mass shootings need to stop.  The Pittsburgh synagogue is just the latest.  Shorty -How are you going to do that?  Lefty -Eliminate automatic weapons, like AK 47’s.  Shorty -AK 47’s aren’t automatic, they are semiautomatic.  And how would you eliminate them?  Lefty – Stop selling them. Shorty – The sale of them in the US has been illegal since 1986 legislation which attempted to put more teeth into the 1968 Gun Control ActLefty -Then stop selling all assault type rifles.  Shorty -If you stopped selling ALL guns legally today there would be about 330 million in the US alone, or about one for every living American. Lefty -Then we should require background checks to be for an extended period of time before anyone can buy a gun.  Shorty – So if I buy a gun today I wait seven or more days, not four, to be cleared?  Lefty – Exactly.  Shorty – So if I buy it three days earlier than previously planned I can get it cleared the same time as I do today.  Lefty – Well then, since you know it all, what is the answer?  Shorty – Isn’t the problem that people just kill other people far too easily regardless of the weapon?  People kill with their hands, knives, blunt instruments, handguns, rifles, and semiautomatics.  Lefty -Go on.  Shorty -It’s like the war on drugs Lefty.  People only stop doing drugs when they want to stop.  Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.  Lefty – And?  Shorty -There are hundreds of millions of people who own guns, safely store guns, hunt, shoot at targets, and have them at the ready for safety reasons.  Lefty – Here goes the 2nd Amendment hide behind speech.  Shorty – It’s not a hide behind.  It’s an original amendment in the Bill of Rights.  Lefty – That was 250 years ago and was designed originally to provide protection from an overbearing or oppressive government.  Shorty -So because of the expressed original intent you don’t think the need is there anymore?  Lefty – No.  Shorty– Don’t you and your left leaning friends worry about President Trump and his “instability” as the head of the most powerful nation in the world?  Lefty – Yes.  Shorty – Then you should go buy a gun even if it takes seven days to clear, cannot be automatic, and does not have a buttstock. It’s your right you know.  Lefty-I’m going to fix a flat tire.

Comment section

 

    • This writer did spend more than a few nights in Milwaukee. We need to get back to you on a final answer.