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The Buccaneers Are Leaking Oil

The answer is, “a small gift given to a customer by a merchant at the time of a purchase.  Something given or obtained gratuitously or by way of good measure. Used as a sentence, “The waiter added a serving of bread pudding as a lagniappe to the meal.”  The question is, “what is lagniappe?”  Forgive us, for we seem to have gotten caught up in the Jeopardy game, with all of the hype surrounding it these days, as James Holthauer closes in on the all time money winning record.

Our small gift, given to you today could have been given to you yesterday as lagniappe nugget number 11.  But, like great bread pudding, we wanted to cook it low and slow to insure that all of the butter and rum sauce would be soaked in, and there for the taking today.  And it is.

What is it?  It’s the story of the Tampa Bay(TB) Buccaneers and the British Petroleum(BP) oil spill in 2010, of course.  Of course?  Well, not really “of course,” but perhaps “par for the course” as to how the franchise is led.  The Bucs filed a $19.5 million claim for in economic damages from the Deepwater Horizon Settlement Program, but the suit raised a red flag with the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fifth District. The appellate court denied the claim last week. No word on if the red flag looked as obvious to the court as the one with the skull on it that TB flies.  No word on if the skull shows how brain dead this franchise really is either.

Perhaps the frivolous claim was a salary cap issue?  If the TB Buccaneers had won their Deepwater Horizon settlement program claim, they would have received close to enough money to cover quarterback Jameis Winston’s 2019 salary of $20 million.  Surely two wrong ideas, in this instance, could make a right?

Why would the Bucs, valued near 2 billion bucks, make any claim of damages for a spill that occurred more than 300 miles from TB, let alone a claim of $19.5 million?    The court’s eight-page (it took that many pages?) decision stated the spill didn’t hurt the inept franchise’s performance more than they have hurt themselves. It pointed to the team’s record of 10-6 after the spill in 2010.  This record was achieved just a year after finishing 3-13, proving that even during catastrophic ecological events a blind squirrel can still find a nut.

“The Bucs have not had a 10-win season since,” the decision stated.  Yes, it really did allude to how much oil this franchise annually leaks on its own.  Pure comedic gold was achieved in one simple sentence within the eight long pages.  Great jokes are rooted in honesty.

The courts set up the settlement program in such a way that companies did not have to show a direct connection between the spill and financial loss. And why not?  Over 100,000 businesses throughout the Gulf region filed claims. Some actually were damaged.   Many were prompted by law firms who encouraged companies to stake a claim.  And why not?  If everyone is getting theirs, you might as well get yours.  The team based its claim on the formula spelled out in the settlement agreement BP crafted with the courts. The formula is based on whether a claimant’s financial condition worsened after the spill.

BP agreed to the procedure to avoid litigation in countless trials.  BP clearly was worried that it’s leaking oil defense was as leaky as the Buccaneers’ defense is on a yearly basis.

Claimants had to show a post-spill revenue slowdown of 15 percent or greater during a three-month period between May and July of 2010, and a revenue uptick of 10 percent during the same three months in 2011.  The court said the Bucs failed to substantiate the claim, but not necessarily the integrity of same.  We aren’t exactly sure what that means.   But, we can assure the courts that, by making the claim in the first place the Bucs have no integrity to begin with.

Tampa Bay has lost 97 games in the last ten years.  That’s very nearly an average of 10 losses per year.  The Hail Mary that their lawyers threw in court fell incomplete as well.

Tampa Bay lost in court, and in the court of public opinion.  Again.  The oil spill was a terrible mess.  So, too, are the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Pass the bread pudding please.

 

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    • Can you get the Utah Jazz nickname changed as well please? It’s always bothered me.