thependulumswings

Way way back in 1966, or 1967 Lefty and Shorty were the amiable service station attendants.  Well, that’s what they were called back then as every pump was full serve.   Dad interacted with them as they checked the oil, washed the windshield, pumped the gas, and took the money.

Lefty sat to the left of Shorty.  Imagine that.  Shorty sat on the shorter of the two “halves” of the 55 gallon drum. Imagine that.  Each were cut down to size and retrofitted with a soft cushion top.

They were funny. They always had a back and forth to their banter.  If they were alive last night might have gone like this.

Lefty- It’s after midnight and it’s cold. Nobody’s buying gas at this hour.  Why are we sitting here?  Shorty- So we can discuss the upcoming “Game of the Century, Part II.”   It’s AP #1 LSU v. #2 Alabama.  Lefty- Big Game.  Shorty- YUGE game.  President Donald J. Trump will be there.  Lefty- He will be?  Shorty-  For sure.  It’s in the Deep South.  It’s Deep State v. Deep State.  It’s his base.  Plus he likes cheers, not boos when his name is announced.

Lefty- Who’s he rooting for? Shorty- All of the deplorables in attendance I guess.  He won’t be partial.  He’ll likely wear some fresh orange with a red tide.  Lefty– That’s not impartial.  You must mean a red tie?  Shorty- No, there are no ties in college football, overtimes decide winners.  And Trump likes to win, win, win.

Lefty- Good lord.  Shorty- Well, who do you think is going to win?  Lefty- Tough call, but Joe Burrow is almost automatic operating out of the shotgun.  Shorty- Burrow’s lucky Beto O’Rourke isn’t refereeing.  He promised to take all of the damn guns.

Lefty- Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.  Shorty- Nope they can’t win.  They’re the only three that haven’t announced their candidacy for the Democratic nomination.  Lefty-  Ahem.  Let’s get back to the game, can we?  Shorty- Sure.  It’s going to be standing room only and one expensive ticket.  Lefty- I bet.  Shorty-  I just saw Elizabeth Warren tweet that if she were elected President the tickets would be free.

Silence filled the cold still air as Lefty checked his pulse rate.

Lefty- Well, one more time, who do you think is going to win?  Shorty-  I don’t know.  2011 is the last time LSU won.  That’s “Four More Years!” and “Four More Years!” ago.  Lefty-  Alabama’s defense usually stifles LSU.  Shorty-  That’s cause Nick Saban spends more on his defense budget than Trump does on ours.  Lefty- I’ll play along.  What else?  Shorty-  Well a few reporters asked Joe Biden what he thought of the upcoming game.  Lefty-  Sure they did.  What did he have to say?  Shorty- Well, he said he remembered attending the LSU/Bama “Game of the Century, Part I” back in 2011 acting in his official role of Vice President.  Lefty- And?  Shorty- And, he wanted to wish both the Iowa Jayhawks and the Minnesota Wolverines great luck in Part II this Saturday night in their showdown in Tempe.

Lefty- I’m punching out before I punch you out.  Anything else?  Shorty- The teams are ranked one and two in the AP, but two and three in the College Playoff Poll.  Lefty- Who’s number one in that poll then?  Shorty-  It’s a tossup right now between Joe, Bernie, and Elizabeth.

Lefty-  This has been a dumpster fire.  Shorty- I’ll empty the trash cans before I go.