thependulumswings

As we near the end of week three of sheltering in place we look for the positives.  We are positive that we have had the opportunity to get reacquainted with our family in a way “normal” life doesn’t even allow.  With that comes benefits and drawbacks like most anything else in life as we know it.

So, it got us to wondering, WWRDSAT.  What would Rodney Dangerfield say about this?

1.  It’s been great, you know?  With the restaurants closed we’ve been able to eat a lot more home-cooked meals.  But my wife, she’s a bad cook, you know?  Very bad.   At my house, we pray after we eat.
2.  The other day we were running low on food.  She went to the store, you know?  I got a call.  Halfway there she ran into a tree.  I asked her, ‘did you swerve to avoid it?’  She said, ‘No, but I did blow the horn.’
3.  The way she drives, are you kidding me?  Vehicles are very cheap right now.  I went out and bought the perfect second car for us.  A tow truck.
4.  My sex life has suffered too.   That I can tell you.  The other day I went out on my bicycle to get some exercise.  As I turned back down my street for home I see a grown man running down my street.  I said “hey what are you doing running down my street naked?’  He said, ’cause you came home early.’
5. My wife, I thought the next day she wanted to make it up to me.  I got home from my walk.  She greeted me at the front door in some very sexy lingerie.  The problem was she was headed out.
6.  It’s getting worse you know.  She told me that she was cutting me down to twice a month.  I figured that wasn’t so bad really.  I know some guys that she cut out completely.  No respect.
7. I’m getting desperate in these times.  I figured I’d quit the online gambling.  I called gamblers anonymous.  They gave me two to one odds that I wouldn’t make it.
8. I went down the local AA meeting too.  They charged me ten bucks to get in and said there was a two-drink minimum.   No respect.
9.  The way my kids live their lives isn’t helping either.  My daughter, she’s been picked up so many times she’s starting to grow handles.  They ended her senior school year early.  Nonetheless, she was voted “most likely to conceive.”
10.  I only wish my son’s room was as clean as his weed.
11. I tried to break up the monotony yesterday.  I told my kids, let’s play hide and seek.   They never came to find me.
12.  I figured some alone time might be best for us all.  I decided to go outside and skate on the pond in our neighborhood.  My wife suggested that I wait until it gets warmer.
13.  I tried to close my eyes and think back to better times.  My childhood.  Ah, yes.  I remember my mom telling me that she had morning sickness after I was born.
14.  She said the doctor told her that he did everything that he could, but I lived.
15.  Even growing up was tough.  I had to stop playing in the sandbox.  The cats. They kept trying to cover me up.

Trying times.

No respect.

Stay safe.