thependulumswings

To vax or not to vax, or booster or not to booster, or mask or not to mask, those are but three of the questions Americans ask.

And, now the workplace is emboldened.  Mandates commeth.

Afghanistan?  Don’t even get us started.

We need a good dose of the best medicine known to man(and woman)kind in times like these.  Laughter.  To lighten the mood, other than hydroxychloroquine, what would that health nut Dr. Rodney Dangerfield have prescribed?  If he were still with us, he’d likely recommend as follows.

1.  Don’t get married.  “My wife and I were happy for twenty years, then we met!”
2.  Don’t drink too much.  “My doctor told me to watch my drinking.  Now I drink in front of the mirror.”
3.  Exercise, but only when appropriate.  “I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, ‘Wait until it gets warmer.’”
4.  Be compassionate.  “My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.”
5.  Be realistic.  “This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.”
6.  Try to maintain a social life.  “A girl phoned me and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’  I went over. Nobody was home!”
7.  Compassionately consider the ramifications of childbearing in these tough times. “When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.”
8. Enjoy your work.  “I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get.”
9. Get regular checkups.  “I went to see my doctor, ‘Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?’ He said, ‘I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.'”
10.  And follow the docs advice.  “I tell you, with my doctor, I get no respect. I told him, ‘I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.’ ‘He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.'”
11.  Ensure you’re in good mental health.  “Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, ‘Doc, I keep thinking I’m a dog.’  ‘He told me to get off his couch.'”
12.  Keep your chin up no matter what.  “I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, ‘On your mark…'”