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A Free Chicken
Ok, it’s time for Congressional Jeopardy. Welcome, everyone! What a great group of contestants we have today. Let’s get started.
Madame Speaker, please select.
“I’ll take Marketing 101 for $100.”
This game-changing business owner famously declared “focus groups are worthless, we know what our consumers want more than they do.”
Senator Manchin buzzes in. “Who is Steve Jobs?”
“Correct, and boy was he, please select.”
“Marketing 101 for $200”
“This American President famously believes he knows more about what Americans want than they do.”
Rep Jayapal buzzes in. “Who is President Joe Biden?”
“Correct. Unfortunate. But, correct. Please select.”
“How about Campaign Slogans for $100.”
“The date that “Build Back Better” got reduced to “Better Not Build Back.”
Senator Manchin.
“What was Tuesday?”
Correct again, please select.
“Let’s take Now What? for $100.”
And the clue is, ha, well, “Now What?”
Jayapal. “Spend more?”
“In the form of a question, please.”
“What is spend more and offer a free chicken in every pot?”
No sorry.
Madame Speaker buzzes. “What is blame Trump?”
No sorry. “Impeach Trump?” No, still sorry.
Senator Manchin, do you want to take a shot?
“What is you better pay attention to what Virginia just told you.”
Correct. Select again. We have but a minute remaining in Double Jeopardy.
Let’s take “All things Minnesota” for $1000.
The clue is, “enough of this nonsense already.”
Senator Manchin. “What is the police defund just got a refund.”
“Correct.” Bahhhhh. “Time is up. We see Manchin in the lead with $12,000, Madam Speaker with $2,000, and unfortunately Rep Jayapal with -$200 which makes you unable to play Final Jeopardy.
Jayapal asks, “why not?” Alex Trebek’s fill-in responds, “you actually have to have your own money to risk money. And the category today is Famous Bills. We’ll be back after this commercial word.”
The video cuts to the commercial “Hello, I’m President Biden. As you know I have a job that requires long hours. If you’re like me and sometimes fall asleep in meetings, or interviews, or summits, try NoDoz. 
It gets the job done when I’d rather sleep on it.”
“Welcome back to Final Jeopardy, the category again is famous Bills, and the clue is, “This Bill now carries a price tag of somewhere between $1.7 and $3.5 trillion dollars?” “Good luck.”
Do do do, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah doo, doo doo doo, dum, dum, dum. Pens down, please.
“We go now to Madame Pelosi. Let’s see what she wrote. ‘What’s the cost of paying off all of Bill Clinton’s dalliances?’ No sorry. How much did you wager?”
“I wagered $1,000,000.” Well, you only had $2,000, so I’m not sure how you can do that.”
“I’m the Speaker, I can do anything I want.”
“And to Senator Manchin. He wrote, ‘The Reconciliation Bill, vote for it and America will vote you out in 2022.'”
“CORRECT.” Let’s see how much you wagered? “Your entire political career!”
And Senator Manchin you are our Congressional Jeopardy Champion!
Congratulations!”
doo, doo, doo, dah, dah, dah…
Comment section
Excellent Bit! Liked it a lot. I was perusing the TV cable networks this morning and saw Manchin defending himself on a few news networks. He was very clear and determined: Yes, lets do things that are difficult but make sense. Let’s do things that both parties are invested in. And lets get them right.
Seems logical to me. He says he’s progressive in that change is good but only when its good for everyone. He begged the question about why anyone would think that a mountain of debt would be good for our children and grandchildren?
Then Ms. Jayapal came to call and found out that the TV media isn’t her friend. She states her case about wanting things unconditionally and without the ability to logically pay for it. It’s hard to imagine that she didn’t expect any pushback. Just like the green room is a place to prepare, so should be your time with constituents and the make up artist. Harsh but so true.
Thanks. It was a fun one to write.
Now, overnight these clowns are lining up to vote on a “new” bill. Shameful.
“Better Not Build Back.”
Official internet winner of the day!
Thanks. The staff will be here all week.
Possibly the best BBR has ever written. Outstanding!!
Thanks to you for saying that. It was a fun one to write.
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