thependulumswings

Thankfully 2021 was one and done.  On to 2022 and hopefully out with the old and in with the new.

In our last column of the year we take a peek at what’s in store for us next year in the business, political, and sports worlds month by month.

January- Michigan wins its first FBS National Championship in OT over Alabama 35-31.  Joe Biden undergoes minor surgery and mistakenly names his new dog Commander as commander in chief over Kamala Harris prior to sedation.  Omicron new cases peak, then start a slow decline as the CDC announces a better test for the variant will be available March 1.  Ghislaine Maxwell finds out the hard way that orange is indeed the new black.

February- Green Bay and Kansas City meet in Super Bowl LVI just as they did in SB I over 55 years ago.  Fittingly GB hoists the Lombardi Trophy winning 30-24.  Inflation reaches 10.0% annualized.  Joe Kernan is suspended after striking Andrew Ross Sorkin on-air for mentioning gas prices slid another 2 cents last week.

March- Commander bites the hand that feeds him.  Joe is sutured by Dr. Jill Biden who says the wound is transitory.  March Madness delivers on its name in a big way.  In round one number one seeded Gonzaga is upset by Sam Houston St. 73-71!  Apple introduces its self-driving car, customers go bananas, but early feedback labels it a lemon.

April- The massive Thwaites Glacier in Antarctica falls apart raising sea levels by 10 feet.  Key West is now Key Deep South.  Miami rebrands itself as Venice. Tiger Woods has a leg up in the final round of The Masters but loses by one penalty stroke to Patrick Cantlay after failing to sign his scorecard.  The Dow crosses 38,000.  Joe successfully fights off a six-week infection from the butchered sew job.  Barrack Obama chimes in to mockingly announce, “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.”

May- Venice is now swimming with tourists.  A refreshed Kamala Harris returns from her March vacation.  LeBron James announces his retirement from the NBA and accepts Biden’s offer to become US Ambassador to China.  CNN hires Andrew Cuomo and rehires Chris Cuomo to cohost a new primetime show tentatively called When No One Is Watching.

June- Hunter Biden slips in his art studio on some dropped oil paint and breaks his hip.  Russia invades Ukraine.  Biden threatens to reduce vodka imports. The Utah Jazz defeats the Chicago Bulls in a four-game NBA Finals sweep.  Kamala Harris calls the locker room, laughs nervously, and asks to congratulate Karl Malone.

July – Nancy Pelosi announces that she is retiring to her waterfront beach home in Atlanta (Thwaites Glacier effect) at year’s end after 259 years in Congress.  A new Covid-19 variant named Kalamata is discovered in Greece.  Biden threatens to ban olive imports unless they are fully pitted.  The MLB All-Star game is moved from Los Angeles after the City Council refuses to force the homeless encampment in left field to relocate.

August- Hurricane Condoleezza slams rural Louisiana destroying rice fields near and far.  Aaron Rodgers suits up for a preseason game with his new team, the Washington Football Team.  The Football Team announces a nickname change to the Washington Senators after a fan vote won in a tiebreaker 51-50.  BTS sales plummet as Kalamata spreads like tapenade.   The Dow retreats to 35,000.

September – Twitter bans Dr. Doolittle for speaking out against sixth booster shots.  The Football team starts 0-3.  Rodgers asks the fans to relax.  Yellowstone ends a great run when Beth Dutton goes Die Hard Detective John McClane to the new airport built next door.  OJ Simpson guest stars as season nine rolls on Dexter.

October- New York announces that their mask mandate will remain in effect through October 2027.  Jussie Smollett signs on with Subway as their late-night delivery spokesperson.  The most-desired but least given Halloween treat is Ivermectin.  Mitch McConnell gets new glasses and says he sees a clear path to a Republican House majority in next month’s elections.

November-  The Democrats miraculously hold onto the House.  Biden says his first call will be to Tip O’Neil to congratulate the Speaker.  Texas completes its own border wall as Governor Greg Abbott simultaneously announces that he’ll run for President in 2024.  Alabama losses in back-to-back weeks against LSU and Auburn as Nick Saban goes through a six-pack box of headsets.

December- Dr. Anthony Fauci turns 82 but refuses to blow out the candles on his career.  Biden offers support calling Fauci a young 82.  Seventeen bowl games are canceled as entire teams opt out.  Ryan Day leaves THE OSU to coach the Venice Hurricanes as Mario Cristobal’s tenure was taking on water.  Social distancing guidelines are reduced to half afoot.  Austin Texas changes its name to Los Austin.  And, finally, BBR’s readership crosses 1000 daily thanks to a certain Hilton Head avid reader constantly singing its praises.

See you in 2022.

Enjoy the bubbly!