thependulumswings

Way back when before everyone became a victim of some terrible social injustice or, even worse, inequality, there was comedy.  We used to poke fun at ourselves.

Way back when we also cut down trees to staple paper together into magazines.  One monthly that came to America’s door was The Reader’s Digest.  It had many regular features.   One of them was called Laughter, The Best Medicine.  That’s so right.

Way back in 1984, Ronald Reagan asked Don Rickles to perform at his inauguration.  Rickles job?  His job was to cut down Reagan, First Lady Nancy, and his cabinet members right in front of them.

He did.   How insensitive was it? They howled. The more the better was how insensitive it was.

Could Henny Youngman, Rodney Dangerfield, George Carlin, and Don Rickles even perform today?  God, we hope so.  And God, while we are at it, we could really use a line or two.

Henny, you’re up!

I said to my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’ She said, ‘I want to go somewhere I’ve never been before.’ I said, ‘Try the kitchen.’

I’m offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Rodney, try to get some respect!

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, “Wait till it gets warmer.”

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over, and said, “Look, twins!”

George Carlin takes center stage.

“As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.”

“Have you ever noticed that you never get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it’s because all the coats are on the bed.”

“Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?”

“How is it possible to have a civil war?”

And, last, but not least, Don Rickles!

[to Robin Williams, upon seeing his forearms] “I’ve never met an ape.”

“Orson Welles, this great man was married to a great many women. They’re all flat now.”

“Is that your wife, sir? Jesus… what was it, a train?”

“Bob Hope couldn’t be here tonight, he’s looking for a war.”

In summary, perhaps Rickles said it best, “You know, every night when I go out on stage, there’s always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I’m always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I’m not going to offend!”