thependulumswings

Last evening Lefty and Shorty just came on at midnight for the graveyard shift at the Gulf Station.   Rain was falling from the heavens at an accelerating pace, cold air was rolling in and cars were not.  Shorty- Why do we stay open all night?  Lefty- So that you and I can discuss President Biden’s State of the Union(SOTU) Address.

Lefty sat to the left of Shorty.  Imagine that.  Shorty sat on the shorter of the two “halves” of the 55-gallon drum.  Imagine that.  Each was cut down to size and retrofitted with a soft cushion top.

Lefty-Surely you watched it?   Shorty- Nope.  Lefty- Well, you missed a 75-minute ramble. Shorty- What did our Prez have to say?  Lefty- He said we’ll only need oil and gas for ten more years.  Shorty- Then what?  Lefty- It will all be electric. Shorty- I guess we’ll be known as the fossils of fuel then.

Lefty- Maybe the government will retrain us, but shouldn’t all Americans have a right to choose?  Shorty- Women do.  Lefty- Not that kind of choice, the choice between electric and gas.  Shorty- My car, your choice.  My body, my choice.  My vax, your choice.

Shorty- Will they at least wave the non-compete clause in our contract?  Lefty- He said he was going to get that done for the fast food workers. Shorty- He said that?   Lefty-Yep.  Shorty- What did the Republicans say about that? Lefty- They laughed.

A peaceful pause. Then.

Shorty- Did Biden address the cows? Lefty- No. But he did say “make no mistake, if you try anything to raise the cost of agmananpklmagathpolcod, I will veto it.” Cows? Shorty– Easy for him to say.  Yes, are they done for too due to their bloated gassy emissions.  And, Bill Gates is buying up all of the farmland.

Lefty-This took a wrong turn.  Shorty- Bill Gates has the right to choose. Lefty- Choose what?  Shorty-Choose how he identifies.  Lefty- Um, ok, I’ll bite.  Why?  Shorty- He looks a good bit like a bloated gassy cow himself these days. Maybe his new pronouns are how, now, brown, and cow. Lefty- Lord. Shorty- Kamala said the root cause of that spare tire he carries around might be the 43 fossil-fueled jet trips he took to Epstien’s island just to have those dinners with Jeffrey that he doesn’t regret.

Lefty- Ok, moving on.  Shorty- Did he attack gas-burning stoves?  Lefty- I don’t think…  Shorty- We won’t need them anyway if there are no more farms or red meat.

A not so peaceful pause.  Then.

Lefty- Well, do you want to know how the bipartisan evening ended?  Shorty- Let me guess.  Viewers from the western tip of Alaska to the southeast Atlantic Coast watched it go poof into the night much like the Chinese Spy Balloon.

Lefty- No, well, maybe, but Sarah Huckabee Sanders gave the Republican rebuttal.  Shorty- So she shot it down?  Lefty- Um.  Shorty- Are rebuttals gassy, too? Lefty- She said that we have a choice between normal and crazy and at this moment I can surely relate.

A long pause.  Then.

Lefty- I’m going to refill the soda machines.  Shorty- Need help?  Lefty- Yes, you do.