Author: thependulumswings staff

Say What?

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

It’s Friday.  Another week of sheltering in place, whatever that means these days, has nearly passed.   It means another week of no sports has nearly passed too.  We miss sports.  We miss sports characters too.  With the help of a valued reader, we dug up some colorful quotes from some colorful sports characters.  A baker’s dozen follow.

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
    “I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.”

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
    “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first..”

3. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
    “He treats us like men. He let us wear earrings.”

4. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
   “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” (a follow-up appearance was deemed necessary)

5. Senior, unamed, basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh :
    “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes..”

6. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
    “You guys line up alphabetically by height..” and “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.”

7. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
   “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ..”

8.  Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
     “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”

9. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
    “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.

10. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
   “I asked him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’
   He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.'”

11. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D: (NOW THIS IS FUNNY)
    “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

12. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
    “I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.”

13. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips,
   Phillips responded: “Because she’s too ugly to kiss goodbye.”

Goodbye till Monday.

 

 

 

 

Zoom this!

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

The BBR staff is offsite today enjoying a rigorous, but fun, team-building exercise.  We decided as a group that these difficult times no longer need to be so difficult.  Today we reacquaint ourselves. Tomorrow we come together at work in our good old sanitized world headquarters office.  Together.  Not apart.  

Therefore, today’s pearls of wisdom will be short.  We have but a few thoughts and questions.

To those that are screaming that you can’t do anything until we can test everyone, are you going to test everyone every day?  Otherwise, yesterday’s test isn’t worth the swab that went up your nose.

To those that are screaming that we can’t move until we have a vaccine, are you actually going to get the vaccine?  What if one never comes?

To those that say it’s too soon, when is it not too soon?

When was it not a good idea that if you are sick to stay at home?

When was it not a good idea to cover your mouth when sneezing or coughing?

When was it not a good idea to wash your hands regularly?

Most of us would like to have been six feet or more away from most of our coworkers every day prior to this anyway.

If you’re going to a restaurant this weekend you can go to work Monday.

It’s our “new”  new normal.

Pivot this! 

And while you’re at it, Zoom this!

 

 

The NYT Said So.

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

You’ve heard of Tara Reade by now, haven’t you?  Reade has leveled serious sexual assault allegations against Joe Biden.  She was a former Congressional staff member of his and claims that he assaulted her back in 1993.

In recent weeks her willingness to amplify the claim has gained some steam as a video of her mother calling into the CNN Larry King show back then with a veiled accusation that fits the allegation and timing has surfaced.  Additionally, a couple of her friends have spoken on the record saying that Reade extemporaneously confided in them about the incident back then.  She has even asked Biden to release all of his files from that time period.

The Trump labeled “failing” New York Times investigated and wrote an extensive piece on it.  Their conclusion?  They found no evidence that Biden had done any such thing.  Wonders never cease.

And, now it just got more serious.  The Trump labeled “fake news” CNN devoted a total of 14 minutes and 54 seconds of air time to the developing story so far.  That’s 15 minutes and 54 seconds more air time than ABC and NBC combined have spent on it.  And, it’s 13 minutes and 51 seconds more than CBS has spent on it as well.  But, it’s gaining oxygen.

The DNC circulated talking points on the accusation to operatives weeks ago.

Stacey Abrams, who lost a race for Governor of Georgia, used them by the book last evening.  On CNN’s Don Lemon show she said that every woman needs to be heard.  She said every allegation needs to be investigated, and that the NYT did so, and that they found nothing.  She said that she believes in Joe Biden.  She said, she said, she said.  She didn’t say that she is or wants to be on a shortlist for his VP nominee.  But, she either is or wants to be.

Hillary Clinton, no stranger to knowing people who have been accused of unwanted advances outside of marriage, endorsed “maybe not so sleepy back then” Joe Biden just yesterday.  She believes women should be heard and should come forward.  Jennifer Flowers, who she labeled as a “bimbo,” would be one exception.  It seems like Ms. Reade is at least the second one.

#metoo is #mia.

Does the DNC care?  Sure it does.  It went all-in on Joe Biden as the most likely candidate to defeat Trump.  That is the entire objective regardless of who gets to call the White House home.  Don’t believe that?  Ask Bernie and a host of minions that fell in line behind Joe as the nomination process’ orchestrated collapse went down with an assist from the enemy that no one can see.

Congress cannot investigate Biden on this as he isn’t in public office.   But the police can.  Reade filed a report last week in DC about the 1993 alleged incident.

If Congress could, would it be as diligent as they were for Judge Kavanaugh?  Christine Blasey Ford had to be believed a host of Democrats said.    Blasey Ford was labeled as courageous.  As of now, no one from the left has come out in support of Reade’s bravery.  Reade hasn’t been labeled yet, but we trust one is in the works.  The war on women works in mysterious ways.

Assuming Biden soldiers on, his VP choice, given his age and declining cognitive ability, is an important one.

Is it a bit odd that months ago he announced that if he got the nomination his VP choice would be a female?  Pandering much?

A few months back Biden apologized for all of his actions saying “personal space is important, and I get it.”

Case closed?  Not yet.  It actually was just opened.

 

 

Everybody Ready? Here We Go!

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

America, have you heard?  We got a brand new dance and it’s called the herd(back in the day it was called the bird.)

The herd is a bit different.  It’s easy to learn.  It’s one step forward and two steps back.  Then it’s two steps forward and one step back.  And, it’s all done at a socially responsible six feet from your dance partner.  You never heard of it?  No one had until about March 1st.  Then it became all of the (out) rage in our country.

Quickly it became such a hit to us that the DJ started spinning the vinyl daily at about 6 pm EST.  That DJ is grandmaster Donald J.  While America danced the mostly liberal media sat in press conference chairs, looking like wallflowers, and asked why we shut down travel to China.  Xenophobes all. Then they asked why didn’t we shut down the country sooner.  Then they asked where the ventilators were.  How about masks for the party too?  One forward, two back.  That’s it.

And soon the music all but stopped.  The herd was barely heard from.  Shelter in place.  We need to get to herd immunity or we’ll thin the herd more than we’d like. Back, back, back.  That’s it.

A few weeks back America wanted to dance again.  Trump said one forward too soon.   Fauci said one back for now.

Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer (D) took the party favors and hid them.  She said no dancing at all till she says dancing at all. She may have two left feet.

Georgia Governor Brian Kemp(R) said let’s open.  Trump said the first step should be slower.

Harris County Texas (read as Houston) Judge Lina Hidalgo(D) said masks for all starting this week or we’ll charge you a steep cover charge for no face cover. Texas Governor Greg Abbott(R) said feel free to show your face any time and any place.  One forward and one back.  That’s it.

The herd is rapidly developing its own mentality from coast to coast.  We want to dance again and we want to do it now.

But we wonder.  Is the herd getting replaced by a line dance forced on us by the “experts” in the government?  You can almost hear  “to the left, to the left, to the left” for part of the song, then “to the right, to the right, to the right”  for another part.

Even DJ Trump wondered aloud yesterday if his headset, turntable, and vinyl are worth trudging out to the White House Lawn Party every day anymore.

The wallflower press is still there.  They hate to dance.  They want to report on all of the wrong turns and missteps made on this the largest stage of them all.

But, you may have heard of the “herd mentality.”  It’s getting out of its chair and headed to the dance floor.  Ain’t no stopping us now.

Come on Chuck, ask Nancy to dance.

Whawk! Hallelujah! Whoa.
Whawk! Hallelujah! Whoa.

 

Together. Apart. Enough.

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

Together.  Apart.  We are a family.  We’ll get through this.  Thinking of you during tough times.  Together.

The emails started it.  Now the tv commercials are overrun with it.

Today’s ad agencies sure do have a herd mentality.  Because of that maybe some will fall victim to the thinning of the herd as the economy recovers.  Queue the soft caring music while we deliver a soft and caring message.

Some of the below are real.  Some you can imagine.  We can’t imagine why some are real.  Enough already.

REAL

Burger King

They have a real one.  “Stay Home of the Whopper.”  They are waving their delivery fees right now and they are giving a free Whopper to over 250,000 nurses.  If a Burger King delivery van pulled up in front of your house would your neighbors still talk to you?  And, can you use the words “health care” and “Whopper” in the same sentence with a straight face?

CARMAX

A forgettable car commercial is offering interest-free loans for up to 84 months.  With interest rates nearly zero percent, what are they offering?  Nothing.  Also, you can have curbside pick up.  Skip the test drive, we’ll be sure this car is running great for you.  Can’t you close your eyes and picture Chevy Chase picking up the “family truckster” for the coast to coast Vacation?

Verizon

Verizon “wants you to know during these tough times that “we’re one phone call away.”  Thank goodness.  Can’t you hear it now?  “During this COVID-19 crisis, Verizon is experiencing an unusually high volume of calls.  Your expected wait time is 42 minutes.  Or, if you prefer, please leave your number and a brief message and we’ll be sure to have someone never call you back.”  Queue the terrible “on hold” music.

United Airlines

“Because we are all in this together.”   Really?  Two months ago when my luggage weighed 52 pounds I was on my own.

 

IMAGINED.

Weight Watchers.

Are you struggling with a few extra pounds from being housebound?  We’ve been flattening curves for over 50 years.   Special note-Tampa residents you can get your first week of meals free just like our schools do year-round.

NFL.

We believe in social distancing.   In fact, our rules have insured social distancing by defensive players from our quarterbacks for years.  Apart.  Forever.

Nine Lives Cat Food

Time to take advantage of one?  Enough said.

China

We are the manufacturer and supply chain leader to the world.  What you need when you need it.  And what you don’t need when you don’t want it, too.  Together, unfortunately for us.

Camel (unfiltered).

Time to burn one?  Why not?

Planters

Let our experience going nuts help you through yours.

Life Cereal

Do you even have to ask?

Charmin

We’ve missed you.  Have you missed us?

Hallmark 

We’ve been writing these syrupy hollow lines on cards for years.  Thinking of you during these times.

 

Time for a Zoom meeting.  Friday is only four short days from now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No Respect Even Way Back When

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

Last week we lightened it up a bit on Friday.  The audience was howling in the aisles.  We offered a few examples of how tough life would have been for Rodney Dangerfield to have lived through these times.

Are you kidding?  It was tough to be Rodney during “normal times.”  A dozen examples of how tough it was to get respect way back when are below.

  1.  I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!
  2.  I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
  3.  I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
  4.  My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
  5. This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.
  6. My wife isn’t very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, “Did you see the guy that did it?” She said, “No, but I got the license plate.”
  7. A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!
  8. If it weren’t for pick-pocketers, I’d have no sex life at all.
  9. I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette.
  10. I went to see my doctor.  I told him once, “Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me? He said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”
  11. What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
  12. I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get.

    Unless it’s the NFL Draft turn off the TV.

 

 

E Learning Leads to E Commerce

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

The BBR staff consumed adult beverages during a Zoom virtual happy hour last evening.  While doing so it kicked around potential topics for this morning’s article.

One drink led to another.  We had almost decided that it was time to lower the boom on Zoom.  Our business section editor was going to wax eloquently about how there “are people who work, and there are people who get things done.”  She was going to suggest that you get out of the virtual meeting place (isn’t it just a water cooler right in the middle of Al Gore’s internet anyway?) and spend some time strategizing, writing a to-do list, sending a handwritten note to your favorite customer, etc.

Then someone extolled the virtues of it and asked: ” yes, but where would our educational system be without it right now?”  Everyone took a stab. “Good point.”  “Hmm.”  “Let me Google search ‘education news, Zoom, and success.'”

What popped up?  Hillsborough County Florida popped up.  Except it wasn’t about success.  It was about excess.  The county, ever concerned about nutritious meals for its “young uns” doles out “free lunches” for its students.  Who knew that in home schooling didn’t also mean in-home meals?   Drive your car to the drive-through location, wait in line, get handed a bag of food.  It sounds a lot like McDonald’s, except for the ” drive to the first window please” for payment.

“We want to make sure that children actually get the nutrition they need to be successful during the e-learning process,” said Hillsborough Schools Superintendent Addison Davis.

“We had some individuals who made undesired behaviors last week, but we stand ready with new organizational controls you know hats off to operations and the IT department for helping us with this process,” said Hillsborough Schools Superintendent Addison Davis.  Good thing Mr. Davis is a superintendent and not an English teacher during this e-learning process, or any learning process for that matter.

District officials found parents selling the food online and parents who had the food stockpiled in their cars.  Did anyone go to jail?  We digress.

Parents now have to provide their child’s name and school ID number before they can pick up food, and they are not allowed to pick up more than once.  Those are smart thinking additions to the program.  Would it be cheaper to just give them some money?  It would be more efficient, too.  Or, what if the parents actually fed their kids?

So let’s review in an e-learned sort of way.  The government takes in tax dollars.  They use some of it to pay teachers to do their job.  They also buy lunches with it for kids.  They give lunch away.  Parents steal “free lunches.”  Parents sell the food online.  That last step is actually e-commerce.

Maybe there is no such thing as a free lunch, especially if you buy one online.

Holy Ice Cream, Batman!

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

You remember that noted health nut Jerry Nadler, don’t you?  On the national impeachment stage he played the role of Robin.  He was quite the actor, though the green tights seemed a bit binding at times.

Adam Schiff reprised the role of Adam West and starred as Batman.  Once Catwoman, aka Nancy Pelosi, shone the green light high into the DC night the caped crusader duo went about fighting all of the crimes that The Joker, well played by Donald Trump, committed.

The play played nonstop for what seemed like forever.  As the trio carried the impeachment articles down the hall of Congress, another villain snuck onto the world stage. His name is COVID-19.

After the two impeachment votes failed in the Senate it seemed like ole Jerry went into the deep freeze like The Penguin, or even like Joe Biden.  #WhereIsJoe and #WhereIsJerry?  Well, this week Jerry surfaced.   Rumors abound, that like a penguin, Jerry was enjoying the chill in Nancy Pelosi’s side by side twin Sub Zero freezers.  There is so much ice cream to hide under it’s like heaven to Jerry.  Is it a new character opportunity perhaps?

Nadler, now mostly thawed, tweeted yesterday.  “We need to come together to beat this disease, not attack each other and divide the country.  This is a disgrace.”  Oh, the irony.  It’s as thick as a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Fudge Brownie Chocolate.

Did Nadler’s actions around Impeachment help the country come together?  And, eight weeks into the fight Jerry decides to weigh(careful now) in now?  Did Nancy, with the old sweater tied just so around her shoulders, help too by showing off her stache of decadence?  Three weeks ago, Adam Schiff floated the idea that his Intelligence Committee would begin looking into who knew what and when about this “disease” as Jerry calls it.  That’s lending a helping hand right in the middle of it.

Fear not though, Nancy told the nation on Sunday that Congress would remain recessed until May 4th, unless there was a major crisis.  Hello?  Anyone home?  Oops, sorry, apparently everyone is home.

“Come together.”  It sounds so inclusive.  It sure beats “Together Apart.”

Will Jerry have another part on a national stage soon?  We can only hope that this crime-fighting team can “come together” one more time to provide us with the great entertainment we’ve come to expect.

After all, there is only so much Netflix left to watch, together of course.

 

On the Clock

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

The NFL Draft is tee minus 60 hours away and counting.   Yesterday the league and its 32 teams conducted a mock draft trial run.

The Cincinnati Bengals were, of course, the first team on the clock.  And, right away a glitch halted the process.   Come Thursday if only Joe Burrow could be so lucky.

The contrast between the NFL takeover of Broadway in Nashville last year for its street party draft and this year’s virtual, shelter in place, remote draft is stark.

The Presidential Election is tee minus 6 months away and counting.   Yesterday President Donald Trump held his daily news briefing.

The national media, of course, was on the clock.  And, right away Trump did what Trump does.  If only Joe Biden can continue to be so lucky.

The contrast between Trump and how he works the media and Biden, and how he doesn’t, is stark.  Trump’s already been on Twitter this AM to berate the Morning Joe Show on MSNBC after tweeting about various topics well into the evening after his media briefing.  He’ll be at it by 5 pm CST today again, holding court that is and berating the assembled again, that is.

Meanwhile, Joe Biden only appears on Twitter when someone grabs the video from his latest, infrequent tv interview or from his seldom in-home broadcast.  The #WhereIsJoe is seen way more than Joe himself.  His performances to date have more “gaffes” than memorable moments.

Biden has cover for now.  He’s sheltering in place like all obedient senior citizens have been asked to do.  But, it looks like a new day in the nation’s approach to the invisible enemy is dawning.  Soon, “where is Joe?” will need to be “Joe has campaign speeches in Michigan and Indiana today.”  Then his physical health and mental health will be challenged as often by Trump as he challenges the media he so likes to manipulate.  He calls them “Fake News” in case you haven’t heard.

Conversely, can Joe keep the media at his side?  Hunter is still a board member in China.  Joe has a serious allegation of sexual misconduct.  Joe has a habit of losing his place even with notes right in front of him.  Saying less and appearing less will soon mean more than it does as our attention is elsewhere.

Soon Joe, like the Bengals, will be on the clock.  He has a pick, too.  It will be a VP running mate.  It will mean more than it often does as well.

America is starved for normalcy.  It will watch the draft in record numbers.  It will watch Cincinnati’s Bengals.  Will it watch the campaigns in record numbers too?  If so, what will it think of Biden’s bungles?

Last Call

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

Several years ago responsible breweries changed their messaging.  “I’ll have another” was replaced by “please drink responsibly.”  Suddenly you needed to “know when to say when.”  Party poopers.

A couple of months ago a virus, with ironically a beer brand given name, shut down the bars altogether.  It shut down a globe actually.

Governments here, near, and far quickly became experts on the enemy that we cannot see.  They continue to tell and told us when and why we could or could not do what, and for how long we could not what.  Did you get the idea that for the most part they meant well but were clueless?  Do you get the idea that, for the most part, they mean well but are still clueless?

Medial experts have attempted to help our leaders understand what happens if we behave in certain ways.  Medical experts have historical, learned, trialed, and anecdotal ideas and possible remedies.  Apparently, none are definitive.  Meanwhile, we needed to flatten the curve through social distancing they said.  Most say we still need to do so.

But now our president has turned the keys over to the governors of our united 50 and encouraged them to turn the economic engines back on as they seem fit.  He really didn’t have the keys to begin with, but was attempting to be a good designated driver for a while.  After all, the states either shut the engine down or kept driving all along.

Today, in very round numbers, a third of the states are past their expected peak in cases, a third are at their peak, and a third will reach theirs next week.

So the very same people who shut down our party are now the same ones charged with making a decision about throwing the next one.  That should make us all confident, or not at all confident.

The need to get back to work and get back to a “new normal” has begun to pull at our purse strings.  You can’t afford beer and pretzels if you can’t work.  The government is doing it’s best Bernie Sanders impersonation.   It’s giving out free money like the last call drinker gives out advice.  And, like Bernie, we need a hair cut too.  But, as Margaret Thatcher once said, “socialism is great until you run out of other people’s money.”  The government printer has to be running low on ink soon.

So, isn’t it time?  One governor who’s state makes a lot of cars even reprised the role of Mother Hen.  She knows best and the answer is “hell no.”  One governor opened up the beaches and a party broke out.  He knows best and the answer is “hell yes.”   Offices, parks, retailers, eventually restaurants, and finally bars will reopen coast to coast.  Like any good office party, it might not be a good idea to be the first one there, nor the last one to leave.

When will we see you again?  Do you know when to say when?  Does anyone?