Roughly a week ago, the machine known as the DNC dropped its latest talking points to its faithful in elected offices and an eager-to-please media.

As Carrie Bradshaw would say,  “And just like that JD Vance was weird!”  Why?  Cause everyone says so, it is so.

Much more quietly the national debt passed $35 trillion.  That doesn’t sell nearly as many ads as labeling a VP as weird to try to help get an Indian/Jamaican woman elected as the first black female president.  Got that?

And, after an attempted assassination that some are trying to label as not an attempted assassination, you might need a break.

Weird times call for weird one-liners.

How about a baker’s dozen or so one from a uniquely weird comic?  We present some of Steven Wright’s masterpieces below.

 

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen.

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.

Is “tired old cliche” one?

I got a garage door opener. It can’t close. Just open.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I was sad because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?”

 

Weird indeed.

 

 

 

We’re emptying the virtual notebook today.  It’s important to clean it out before our staff takes a research trip to the motherland of Scotland.  BBR will be dark next week.

Why do we drive on a parkway yet park on a driveway?  Nevermind.

Why did Al Gore invent the transfer portal?  Wait, we’re being told it was the NCAA.  It was created partially to offset decisions and timing thereof like the one Jim Schlossnagle made this week.  College Station is burning.

Why hasn’t anyone been arrested and sentenced for their conduct on Epsteins Island after he and his enabler Ghislaine Maxwell have been?  We suspect it is because somebody knows somebody who knows it’s not in their best interest.

Why don’t we decide as a country if we want illegal immigration or if we want borders?  If it is a problem, it isn’t hard to slow dramatically and quickly.  Put out the word that you’re going back to where you originated.

Why does Mexico make you show a passport to spend a lot of money there as a tourist, but allows millions from multiple countries to walk northward right across it?  Follow the dirty money.

Why has Biden been hiding at Camp David for the last seven days?  He’s debate prepping on your dime.  Part of the prep (supposedly) is some physical training to endure standing for 90 straight minutes.  Are they changing his sleep patterns too so he doesn’t “sundown” right on camera tomorrow PM?

Why would Trump agree to CNN hosting the debate?  Jake Tapper?  June 27th when no one is watching?  No back and forth?  Ego.  Trump wins in his mind even when he loses.

Why did Trump pick Vivek Ramaswamy as his VP running mate?  No, you didn’t miss anything.  It’s an updated prediction.  He should have picked Tulsi Gabbard, but he didn’t.  Vivek can sell.  Trump likes a mouthpiece that will spread the right words.  He learned from his Mike Pence choice.  Pence couldn’t sell snow cones to all of us suffering from global warming.

Why is Planned Parenthood contributing $40 million to Biden and Dem Congressional campaigns with your tax dollar donations?  Cause they can.  Ain’t America great?

Why is women’s wellness, aka abortion, such an important issue this fall?  It’s because half of the votes come from those who identify as females and they place it far and away as their number one issue.  If Trump wins it will be because he greatly clarifies his position on the hot potato topic.

Why won’t someone in Congress make it their sole goal to bring incredible pressure against our spending problem creating our 35 trillion dollar debt problem?  Is it because they’d rather have a job than represent what is best for the US?

We’re substituting “how for “why” for our grand finale.  How do you know if a politician is lying? If his lips are moving you know.

 

 

 

Is the question, “Has America failed today’s youth?”  Or, is the question, “How has America failed today’s youth?”

It starts in the home.

The percentage of two-parent households has fallen significantly in the last half-century.  Between 1970 and 2022 the percentage of white children living with two decreased from 90 to 77%, Hispanics from 77 to 67%, and blacks from 59 to 42%.

Aren’t the ages from birth to five the most formative years?  More single-parent homes mean more daycare or preschool.  Isn’t a parent more attentive to their child than a daycare worker is to a multiple of them?

Many more families need two breadwinners to provide enough income to stay afloat.  This means more children head to daycare or preschool as well.

And, now two handfuls of states have rushed legislation to ensure the child’s right to decide which gender they want to be when they grow up.  Hormone blockers and gender reassignment follow, perhaps?

Video games lead to isolation.  Isolation leads to the internet.  The internet leads to social media where all hell really can break loose.

The need to belong is innate.  It raises self-esteem.  If you sit in the basement what do you belong to?

In 2020 and 2021 we decided that the only way to protect children from that deadly virus was to keep them out of school.  Decades back parents rushed kids to school to get sick to bolster their immune systems.  Further isolation for two years (think ages 12-14 for example) is bad for multiple age groups.

What do you study when you get to college?  Whatever you want.  But before you get there, you must excel at one or more standardized tests to prove your worth.  Well, you used to.

Now these pesky competence tests are biased, racist, or deemed out of step.  Remember, everyone gets a participation ribbon.  DEI folks step to the front.

If you are still looking for a cause, dye your hair half-blue and pick up a pro-Palestinian/Hamas/Antifa sign at your convenience.  It’s a cause to get behind if you feel oppressed.  Never mind that you are protesting for oppression.

Professors(read as teachers that hide in school basements) will give you an A after skipping finals if you feel terrorized by police coming to campus to take back what you took that doesn’t belong to you.

Everyone graduates!  Ask Oprah.

That mostly worthless degree in anthropology, art history, philosophy, or ethnic and civilization studies can send you back to your bedroom at your mom’s house. With the school administrator-to-student ratio at nearly one-to-one on campuses such as Harvard, Stanford, and Columbia(to name but a few) you’d think they would steer you towards something that would pay to have studied.

What did the degree cost?   More than ever, just like the administrators.

Can’t pay for your student loan? Uncle Joe the former 18-wheeler driver, Amtrak conductor, and Penn Professor, whose Uncle 2nd Lt. Ambrose J. Finnegan Jr. was consumed by cannibals, will transfer your debt obligation back to the government after he returns to the White House from the black church he regularly attends.

Is Joe Biden an enabler or a buyer of votes?  Both?

See a shrink.  They love half-dyed hair and nose rings.  After all, nose ring rhymes with cha-ching!

They’ll tell you that the American dream is still attainable.

Don’t worry about that 7% mortgage interest rate, you won’t qualify.

Upon further review, “It’s how.”

 

 

 

Once achieved a masterpiece is best left as the only one.  Those who signed up for Caddyshack II can readily attest to that.

But, the young are unimpressed.  They’re auditioning on college campuses across the land for roles in Animal House II.

The would-be actors are smart we assume, but too dumb to know any better.

Those at Columbia University, not Columbia Pictures, reached new theatrical lows yesterday.  Playing the role of persecuted Palestinians while studying for finals and paying 96k a year for the privelege requires balance.  They tried.

But, Dean Wormer was watching back in 1978.  He admonished the Delta House leadership, “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way of going through life.”  Then he placed them on “double secret probation” threatening to kick them off campus altogether.

So, when the bad actors took over Hamilton Hall late Tuesday night Columbia’s leadership(a great example of an oxymoron) did a double take.

By midday out from the occupation of the hallowed hall emerged PhD student Johannah King-Slutzky(yes that’s her name) with an urgent request.  The oppressed within the structure needed food and water.  “Does Columbia want its students facing hunger and dehydration?” she postured.

Does that sound like a five-year-old screaming for more pizza rolls?

It’s a Hamas thing to attack something and then demand humanitarian aid while making zero concessions.

Slutzky is no Bluto Blutarsky.  Her biography states she is “working on her dissertation of fantasies of limitless energy of the transatlantic Romantic imagination from 1760-1860.  My goal is to write a prehistory of the metabolic rift, Marx’s term for the disruption of energy circuits caused by industrialization under capitalism.”

But they are similar.  Blutarsky, realizing the end was near bemoaned, “Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the f**king Peace Corps.”

You’ll be paying Slutzky’s student loan back soon.

By nightfall the occupied space became occupied by NY’s finest and then unoccupied.  The city of CHAZ in the summer of love lasted longer.

One student, seconds from being cuffed and stuffed screamed, “We have finals this week.  Can’t we go home?”  Hopefully, when booked into the jail he/she was not misgendered.

Otter uttered, “I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.”

Mission accomplished.

Before Columbia, Slutzky, in her own words, worked as a political strategist for leftist and progressive causes and remains active in the higher education labor movement.  Ah, now we’re getting somewhere.

Thomas Sowell opined, “We seem to be getting closer and closer to a situation where nobody is responsible for what they did but we are all responsible for what somebody else did.”

Bluto had sage words for us nearly 50 years ago.  “My advice to you is that we all start drinking heavily.”

 

 

 

 

As the world rapidly evolves so does the attempt to redefine already-defined words or expressions.  It’s infuriating to some.

Below we decided to redefine some 24 redefined words, phrases, and people previously defined.  The previous word salad sentence was brought to you by our revered VP Kamala Harris.

hate speech-  any spoken or written words that someone gets offended by based on their own beliefs, yours be damned, free speech be damned, nebulous

misinformation-  any spoken or written words that someone arbitrarily decides are not true regardless of whether or not it is  It’s a run at controlling the narrative.

disinformation-  a kissing cousin of misinformation.  Try separating the two, we won’t.

women’s wellness-  abortion.

the right to choose-  abortion.

abortion-  abortion.

newcomers- a way of currying favor and votes from illegal migrants by making nice

Eric Adams-  the worst NY Mayor ever eclipsing Bill de Blasio, his predecessor, who was the worst ever

Fani Willis- political hack of a DA that has no business in any public office.

Leticia James-  see Fani defined above, drop DA, and add AG

homeless- mentally ill or chemically addicted

underserved- what Democrats call homeless

hobos- what everyone over 50 today called the homeless until it wasn’t correct to do so anymore

SAT scores-  a measuring stick of overall intelligence entering college soon to be a thing of the past

debt-  how much you owe

deficit-  how much more you spent than you collected

US debt-  on a collision course with insolvency   We should all be ashamed.

US deficit- Biden’s ability to process information and communicate the same

Elon Musk-  a chess grandmaster of multiple boards simultaneously while others struggle at a single board of checkers

social justice-  the redistribution of wealth attained through capitalism

fair share-  never defined in measured terms,  a rallying cry for those who have less, nebulous as well

student loan debt cancelation- a transfer of burden from those who agreed to repay but don’t, to those who now must repay, also known as a vote-getter

wealth tax-  see social justice above, also banned in our Constitution

fair elections/ election integrity-  remember the Edsel?

DEI- the opposite of meritocracy,  a ruse that hopefully will DIE

 

Good day- It still means have a good day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We know how.   Fill a backpack, pay a coyote, cross the river, and enter the US illegally.   In the game of Monopoly, pass Go, collect $200, and head for a street name that’s determined by a roll of the dice.    Illegal border crossing isn’t as dicey as Monopoly anymore and it’s way more lucrative than a measly $200.

Do we know why?  Maybe it’s this simple.  The Biden Administration is carrying the water of the Democrat think tank that wants to change the face of America and that can change how it votes permanently.  Turn Texas purple or even blue and the national electoral college vote is a fait accomplis.

Biden said last week that he was doing all that he could do to control the border.  That’s a flat-out lie.    His minions, specifically WHPS Karine Pepe Pierre, Director of Homeland Security Alejandro N. Mayorkas, and Coordinator for Strategic Communications at the National Security Council John Kirby, swear to it.

Nothing to see here they say.  The border is safe, secure, and orderly, and allows record numbers of illegal migrants and drugs to cross unfettered 24/7/365.

But the ruse is filled with questions given the abject denial of the obvious.

Why does Biden want Texas to stand down and remove the razor wire?  Why did he go to court to get the legal pathway to allow illegals in?

Why did over 28k Chinese Nationals attempt to get in last month alone?  Why are over 90% of them males aged 18-25?  Are all of the Chinese females happy in their homeland, but none of the males?

Why do so many more people from a host of countries want in right now?  Is it cause the getting is good?  Why is the breakdown overwhelming adult males?

Why are the Republicans just now attempting to impeach Mayorkas three years and one month into him overseeing the sieve?  Is it political window dressing?

Do you think that the Senate will vote to convict Mayorkas?  Think again.

Doesn’t Mayorkas take his lead straight from the big guy?  Why aren’t they impeaching Biden, then?  Is it political suicide to do so?  Probably.  America is as tired of impeachment proceedings as it is of COVID vaccines that aren’t vaccines.

Why is the Senate proposing a bill this week to put restrictions on illegal border crossings that aren’t restrictive at all?  Is it to appease Republicans who said no more Ukraine money unless “we do something at the border?”

When was the last time you saw a single bullet fly in Ukraine?  Does the press even cover it?  Is there still a war there?  We digress.

When the bill is DOA in the House, will the Chuck Schumer types of the DC complex find a microphone to throw up their hands on the border problem and say we tried but the Republicans don’t want to do anything?  Bet all of your Monopoly money on it.

On day one Biden reversed three border policies that Trump had penned on his first day.  If Trump wins in November he’s already said that on day one he’ll reverse the reversal.

Then we’ll start impeachment proceedings all over again.

Ain’t America great?

Millions of illegal immigrants think so.

They landed on Free Parking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s cold outside, but ten nuggets below will warm your innards and get the blood flowing.

1.  Biden warned Iran and told us as much.  “Don’t.”  He paused.  “Don’t, don’t, don’t.”  They did.  Does he remember reinstating aid to them to the tune of $6 billion for “humanitarian purposes?”  Is the 160th attack on a US base in the last four months since America expressed support for Israel, this time killing three soldiers and injuring scores of others, humanitarian?
2.  Is the world too big of a stage for Joe?  He thinks not.  Just Saturday he reminded us that he’s been doing foreign policy for a “long, long, long time.”  Hillary Clinton reminded us that as Secretary of State, she flew over two million miles.   Does doing a lot of something make you great at it?  We think not.  Three international conflicts and counting now have us losing lives and giving away billions.
3.  Old Joe from Scranton was on another stage yesterday.  Sunday he was pimping his past and pandering for his future at an African-American church in South Carolina.   “You had my back, and I hope I had yours,” he campaigned.
4.  Then he left the pulpit, walked down some stairs, and looked confused as to when and where to walk next.  If you can’t remember how you got on the stage, maybe you should stay off of it.  Maybe his handlers should tell him to always exit stage left like his politics?
5. How much longer will Nikki Haley try to take center stage from Donald J?  She’s down by 27 points to him in her home state of South Carolina in the latest Tyson Group poll.  Trump stands at 58% to Haley’s 31%.
6. She’ll run till both the Democrat and Republican money dries up.  SC is on 2/28.  First up is Nevada on 2/8.  It’s doubtful that either party will help her past 2/29 in this leap year.
7.  Two parties supporting one candidate is rare in today’s divided world.  Conversely, is Donald Trump the only President to draw the ire of both parties while keeping his promises(like them or not) to the American people?
8.  Five minutes of MSNBC this AM was enough to hear Joe Scarborough claim that Donald Trump favors open borders by supporting Speaker Mike Johnson’s exclamation that the bipartisan border bill was dead on arrival in the House.  Mika nodded affirmatively right on cue.  Joe can articulate DNC talking points way better than most.  Is Joe S. old enough to remember when Trump was insistent on building that “big, beautiful wall” that Congress wasn’t funding?
9.  Looks like we got us a convoy trucking through the night to south Texas starting right about now.  If you’re up for it, you can join a projected  700k people as they assimilate starting in Virginia to Jacksonville, FL, to Baton Rouge, LA, to Austin, then south to the standoff.
10.  The length of the border at the source of the Federal v Texas standoff is 2.5 miles.  The Texas border makes up about half of the U.S. border with Mexico stretching 1,254 miles from the Gulf of México to El Paso.   So, after we figure that out, there’s just 1251.5 miles to go.

Time to go.