Engage. Enrage. Enjoy.

Happy Shwanza and New Year

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

Hopefully, all of your recent days were merry and bright.  Or, as Nancy Pelosi wished all, “Happy Shwanza!”

Now we march on to 2023.  Surely it will return us to some normalcy?  We’re due since 2020, 2021, and 2022 were duds.

Our new crystal ball (up 22% in cost year over year) gives us a look into months one through six of 2023 today.

January

The weather moderates as the December “bomb cyclone” moves out and the climate(always) changes to seasonal lows and highs.  Adam Schiff gets tossed off of every committee he is on as the Elephants take the House.  Michigan becomes National College Football Champions as they beat Georgia 33-28.  Elon Musk offers the job of CEO of Twitter to one Donald J. Trump.  Two NBC reporters are hospitalized for high blood pressure.  Trump announces that the offer is really “fake news.”

February

Adam Schiff announces that he’s resigning from the House to run for the Senate seat vacated by Diane Feinstein just before she turns 90.  The Philadelphia Eagles make the Cincinnati Bengals the bridesmaids for the second year in a row, 35-34.  Joe Biden exits stage left after prompting from Dr. Jill and after another left-leaning speech while still carrying the microphone.  The Fed realizes that they’ve gone too far too fast and shocks Wall St with a quarter-point rate cut.  The Dow goes up 898 points that day.

March

The Biden administration mandates mask on airplanes again. Joe exempts the crew and all passengers on Air Force One.   A Southwest spokesperson comments, “it matters not to us as we don’t fly anyway.”  Dr. Fauci takes the fifth on all House questioning, rolls up his sleeve for a fifth booster, then goes home and drinks a fifth.  Mitch McConnell puts together a little Ukraine relief bill offering 50 billion dollars. Volodymyr Oleksandrovych Zelenskyy says, ” I am saddened at the paltry amount of aid offered at this critical time. Dismayed, disillusioned, and disappointed might better reflect my feelings.”  The transitory inflation has a birthday.

April

Elon Musk puts in a hostile offer to buy NBC.  The NCAA Final Four is held in Houston and the hometown # 1 seeded Cougars cut down the nets after beating the #3 seed, North Carolina.  Tulsi Gabbard is in Florida as Ron DeSantis’ announces that he is running for President in 2024 and the rumor mill runs wild.  Joe Biden wishes everyone a Happy Fourth of July before going on an Easter egg hunt on the South Lawn.  LIV Tour member Patrick Reed is disqualified at The Masters for using a ball filled with tiny superballs.

May

Karine Jean-Pierre, the first black lesbian female WH press secretary, steps down.  When asked by reporters why, she flips pages in her binder and says, “I’ll have to circle back with you on that.”   An early summer “bomb cyclone” sweeps across the US spiking temps 25-30 degrees above normal.  Pete Buttigieg proposes that we tear up the current Interstate System, labeling the entire 46,876 miles of the highways as racist.  He also denies being related in any way to Pee Wee Herman.  KJP’s replacement, Joy Behar, assures us that the border is secure. The Yankee’s Aaron Judge hits his major league-leading 33rd home run on May 30th putting him on pace to hit 82.

June

As the calendar flips the Yankees trail Baltimore for first in the NL East by 5.  Oregon legalizes everything.  The Dow rolls on and reaches a two-year high at 36,743.  Joe Biden reassures America that the southern border is secure and recognizes Mexican officials for doing their part, “I want to especially thank the Royal Canadian Mounties.”  Arizona finishes counting votes in the 2022 Gubernatorial race.  Paul Pelosi hammers out a deal to become the hardware spokesperson for Home Depot.

The very accurate predictions for July through a December to remember will be published tomorrow or Friday.

 

 

 

 

Wring Ring

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

You can’t ring in the new until you first wring out the old.

Today we provide some facts, falsehoods, truisms, and blatant lies that struck a chord with us in 2022.  We clear the deck for our 2023 predictions next week.

It seems like America is ready to dump 2022 on its ear as well.   A Fox News(always fair and balanced) poll had 52% of Americans calling 2022 a bad year, while 36% called it good.  Somehow 12% had no strong feelings or too few brain cells to decide.  At least these numbers were better than the two previous Covid-marred years.

It’s hard to pick THE story of the year, so we won’t try.  Several come to mind and frankly, none are for the better.

Inflation went from transitory to Biden calling for it to last until at least the end of 2023.  Russia can’t shoot straight and Ukraine can get enough of newly printed US money.

The Dow Jones went from 36,338 on 12/31/21 to 32,758 as of yesterday, or minus a smooth 10%.  The NASDAQ is way worse.

The housing market went from bonkers to stagnant as interest rates for conventional 30-year mortgages doubled from 3.05 to 6.32%.

The border is now a border in name only.  When you illegally cross borders you used to be an illegal alien.  Karine Jean-Pierre Claudia Von Damme Pepe Le Phew had some reassuring words for us yesterday.  “It would be wrong to think that the border is open.  It is not open.”

The Republicans gained control of the House 222 to 213 in November, or December when all of the votes were finally counted.  If you allowed everyone in America to vote that identifies as “nonwhite” only the 435 districts would have elected 347 Democrats to 88 Republican seats.

It’s all about power.  It’s why the Dems have the sieve wide open from Brownsville, TX to San Diego, CA.  It’s always all about power.

New York Mayor Eric Adams is starting to get it.  He said yesterday “our shelter system is full, and we are nearly out of money, staff, and space.  Truth be told if corrective measures are not taken soon, we may very well be forced to cut or curtail programs New Yorkers rely on.”

Government spending escalated regardless of what Biden’s drivel on Twitter espouses.  It’s interesting sickening to note that under Nancy Pelosi’s tenure as Speaker of the House over 40% of the federal debt accumulated since 1776.  And, 1776 is no typo nor is it her birth year as it might seem.

Like the WH occupants over time, she had many opportunities to hammer out a better US budget and chose otherwise.  Too soon?

It looks like a new way to look at Covid vaccinations is finally being heard.  Elon helped with that.  After all, it once was hard to be anti-vax even if there is no vax in reality.   Thankfully Biden’s prediction in early 2022 of a “winter of death” for the unvaccinated didn’t materialize.

Hunter Biden and the FBI might have some explaining to do soon.  Elon also helped with that.

Education costs continue to soar as well.  Why?  One survey found that since 2000 public school enrollment is up 7% through 2021 while administration personnel is up 97%.  If the entire Department of Education at the federal level closed would anyone miss it? That little red schoolhouse on the top of the hill brought us a long way.

Maybe Harvard could pay a scholar such as Elizabeth Warren 400k a year to teach a class on why school is so expensive.

Mass shootings continue to pull at our heartstrings.  Shrills on TV and journalists(there aren’t any anymore really) harumph the gun control lines after each one.  Meanwhile, fentanyl and street violence kill more of our youth that mass shootings by many many times to one.

All isn’t gloomy though.  Sports continues to be a great escape.

The World Cup for three weeks was riveting and the final left amateur watchers like this writer speechless.  Messi and Mbappe gave us a show-stopper for the ages.

The Houston Astros proved in 2017 that cheaters do win and from then on proved that they are the MLB franchise others are chasing crowned by a 2022 playoff and WS run that impressed all.

The Los Angeles Rams paralleled the stock market though.  They won the Super Bowl in February and are a svelte 4-10 this year.

We’d tell you about the greatness of the 2022 NBA and NHL seasons, but we have no idea.

This brings us to 2023.  We have no idea what is in store.  But, undeterred, we’ll take a stab at our predictions by month for it next week.

Meanwhile, enjoy the blizzard.  The one constant in life is that damn climate is always changing.

 

 

What’s in a Word?

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

Way back when way down yonder in New Orleans a weekly football rag was devoured by rabid NFL/Saints fans.  It was called Gridweek.

Its tagline was “Gridweek tells it like it is.”  And for a fledgling football franchise that was run as poorly off of the field as it ran on the field “like it is” was straight pain with no Novocaine.

Gridweek delivered the news with no spoon full of sugar to make the medicine go down, the medicine go down.  Of course, that was when we didn’t sugarcoat matters at hand.

And, it was before we knew how bad sugar was for you.  So, many healthy folks switched to salads and the like.  And, now we get our info/news/talking points delivered to our internet-connected devices as a word salad.

George Carlin saw this coming long ago.  He detailed the obvious in a humorous way better than anyone.  And, this two-minute must-see video takes us through wars that caused “shellshock” to “post-traumatic stress disorder” with steps along the way.

He said Americans don’t like reality and have trouble handling the truth.  Isn’t that the truth?

Sweeping the out-of-control national debt under the rug yearly as it grows nearly geometrically is but one example.

How about when abortion was an abortion?  Then it became pro-choice.  A few years passed and it was women’s rights, then women’s wellness, then women’s healthcare, and today it’s women’s reproductive rights.

It’s so much softer as George said.  And, to boot, you can have Planned Parenthood helping you along the way.  None of the above sounds like you end up being a parent, but we digress.

A fib, a falsehood, and a “big fat lie” became “a little fib” or ” a little white lie.”  Is a “white lie” racist?   We digress again.  Now it’s “misinformation.”  “Misinformation” has morphed into actually anything that anyone says that you disagree with.

This misinformation caused such harm ten years back that we created “safe spaces.”  Safe spaces are more word salad. I don’t like what you’re saying, go away.

Have you ever seen a safe space?  Been to one?  Created one?  Apparently, they are quite mobile, too.

You don’t die anymore either.  You “pass away.”  Father Time remains undefeated though.  Everyone (except maybe one) and everything that has walked on terra firma has died or will die.

Sins were once venial and mortal.  Of course, that was when the Catholics thought God could park the people he was undecided about in purgatory.  That’s the one and the only thing that the Vatican has done right in the last 25 years.  It dumped purgatory.   Now it’s either the stairway to heaven or the steps down to hell.

Everyone sitting in limbo, get out!  That bum rush for the door must have looked like our southern border does today.

Speaking of “bums” or “hobos,” well you can’t speak of them anymore. Red Skelton would be out of a job.  They’re homeless now, or underserved, or have food insecurities.

If you had food insecurity you used to be able to get “food stamps.”  No more.  The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) is the largest federal nutrition assistance program going.  Notice it’s nutrition now, not food.   You can get fed in a “SNAP.”

You can put lipstick on a pig too, but it’s still a pig.

You can pour so much window dressing on a word salad that it makes the lettuce float.

But, it’s still a word salad world and we’re all just living in it.

 

Questions as Answers

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

You’ve got questions.  You’re not supposed to answer a question with a question.  We did anyway.

Q.  Does it seem like Elon Musk is three steps ahead of everyone else?

A.  Does it seem like Elon Musk is four steps ahead of everyone else?

Q.  Is this the loudest fight for free speech in your lifetime?

A.  Do you need to reread the answer to question no. 1 above?

Q.  Haven’t the conspiracy theorists been leery of having a chip implanted in their bodies so that others can control how we think and who we are?

A.  Is (as Musk says it is) Neuralink, launched in 2016 with the goal of developing a chip that would allow the brain to control complex electronic devices and eventually allow people with paralysis to regain motor function, ready to begin testing in humans?

Q.  Why did Elon call out Tim Cook publicly on Twitter for pulling 17 million in advertising?

A.  Do you, once again, need to reread the answer to question no. 1 above?

Q.  Does Apple have, as Ricky Riccardo would say to Lucy, some esplaining to do for aiding China by turning off the airdrop feature in this lockdown?

A.  Does Apple’s Cook deliver the iPhone 14 on time and in the quantity desired because of the terrible mess over there, or is his goose cooked?

Q. Does telling people that you are glad that you have tested positive but have mild symptoms because you are vaxxed and boosted make you feel better about your decision?

A.  Does telling people you’re glad you wore a condom even though your significant other is pregnant make you feel better?

Q.  Did Joe Biden walk off of the stage yesterday with the microphone in hand still in the ready-to-talk position?

A.  Did someone forget to type “put down microphone after speech” on his note cards?

Q.  Did Canadian PM Trudeau say “Everyone in China should be allowed to protest?  We will continue to ensure that China knows we stand for human rights?”

A.  Didn’t Trudeau send out his police to arrest truckers protesting in Canada last year?

Q.  Is Mitch McConnell really all in on giving more money to Ukraine?

A.  Is there even a war being fought in Ukraine, or is this the biggest money laundering scheme since, well, ever?  How much money are all of the EU nations combined giving?

Q.  Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?

A.  Why are we having this debate anyway?

You want answers?  We have questions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Y’all Come Back Now

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

A lot has changed since 1962, and nowhere more so than in California.

Back then the Clampetts, a poor, backwoods family from the hills of the Ozarks, moved to posh Beverly Hills, California, after striking oil on their land.  They struck it rich when ole Jed, who could barely keep his family fed, was shooting at some food.

And, wouldn’t you know it, up from the ground came a bubbling crude.  Black gold, Texas tea they called it.

His kinfolks told patriarch Jed that California was the place to be.  So he packed up his 1921 Oldsmobile Model 46 truck, powered by a four-cylinder, V8, 43 hp motor, and headed to Beverly.

Non-U.S. migrants are still very welcome there, but migration within the United States has reversed course.  Many more American citizens are headed out of California than in.  They may not like Texas tea, but they like Texas.

Would Jed, Granny, Elly May, and Jethro still be welcomed there?  Possibly so, but they’d need to make a few changes to be accepted.

For starters, Jed would need to leave his gun behind in Missouri.  Gun-free zones are all the rage now, plus assault rifles are greatly frowned upon.

Also, shooting at a critter to eat would greatly upset the PETA folks.  And, nowadays there is such a thing as a free lunch, especially if you look as ragtag as they did.

But most importantly that 1921 combustion engine, fossil fuel burning truck must go.  Acting progressively California lawmakers last week moved to require all new vehicles in the state to run on electricity by 2035.

But, it will come in handy for a while prior, especially for the next week.  Likely due to climate change, most of Cali is enduring a heat wave that will greatly tax the electrical power grid.

The good Gov. Gavin Newsom took time away from planning for his 2024 Democratic Presidental nominee run on Wednesday to sign an executive order that will allow the state to try to ramp up electricity supply.

The California Independent System Operator(CISO) has warned that stress on the energy grid could lead to blackouts and called for consumer conservation for the next several days.  CISO is asking consumers to avoid using major appliances and charging electric vehicles between 4 p.m. and 9 p.m.

To summarize (see what we did there?) Cali doesn’t have enough electricity during the heat wave to service electric-powered needs that will be legally required to reverse global warming by forcing electricity upon its faithful.

The Clampetts need not worry about running the washing machine for clean clothes though.  Granny uses a good old washboard.

And, they have that old cement pond out back to keep cool in.

The last one leaving California, please turn out the lights.  Of course, if it’s between 4-9 PM they might not be on.

Y’all come back now, ya hear?

 

 

How Far?

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

How far down the rabbit hole are you willing to go?

  1.   Spain’s government mandated a minimum 80-degree setting on all home air conditioning units as the transition to green power hasn’t kept up with demand.
  2.   Ukraine’s richer by $50 billion thanks to the generosity of America.  Zelenskyy is so appreciative of this gesture that he took time away from posing for the Vogue cover to reach out to China to have them bid on the rebuild after the war that is or isn’t a war.
  3. China is so concerned about the effect of burning fossil fuels that official plans call for boosting coal production capacity by 300 million tons this year. That is equal to 7% of last year’s output of 4.1 billion tons, which was an increase of 5.7% over 2020.  All of the windmills in the world matter not if China and India don’t comply.
  4.  It seems like they disagree with then-President Barack Obama who lectured us that “climate change was no longer a debate, it’s fact.”  He’s is right though.  The climate has been changing for hundreds of millions of years.
  5.  All of this paves the way for the Inflation Reduction Act, which gives away over a quarter of trillion dollars to green companies and green-leaning pet projects.  Never let capitalism get in the way of a government, er, political handout.
  6.  All of the green handouts, capitalism, and the Inflation Reduction Act collided yesterday.  The Inflation Reduction Act, the major climate bill, was signed this week, continuing the EV purchase $7500 tax credit but only those assembled in North America qualify.  Capitalism stepped in and GM and Ford raised the prices of certain electric models by $6,000 to $8,500, roughly matching the $7,500 tax credit introduced under the inflation bill.  We think that’s called a zero-sum game.
  7. Thirty-one models qualify, but the government’s process to qualify is tricky and the timing is trickier due to quotas.  The “must have” is that at a minimum “final assembly” must occur stateside.  Could this be as simple as screwing on the gas tank cap to qualify?  Wait.
  8. Actually the only thing this screws is the gas combustion car manufacturing business.  Oh, and the big, bad oil business as well.
  9. If you obsoleted much of the need for oil (good luck) you’d certainly harm the economy in Texas, Alaska, North Dakota, South Dakota, Louisiana, and Oklahoma to name a few.  What do all of these states have in common?  Hint- It’s not abortion rights, er, woman’s reproductive health.  Think red.
  10. Who wins when wind wins?  Hint-It’s not states that have or will abort abortions.  Think blue.
  11. At least we seem to be winning across the 50 united vs. that pesky pandemic.  Two vax’s and two boosters did the trick.  How?  We don’t need to revisit government political theater handouts and capitalism do we?
  12. Although the military is still requiring all of the jabs or you’re discharged from it for refusing.  Masking will be mandatory for Philadelphia students for the first 10 days of the upcoming school year that starts on Aug. 29, after which it will be “optional but strongly encouraged.”  We have to guess that the disease can only count to ten just like many students.  Make it make sense.
  13. Meanwhile, the CDC Director weighed in, “In our big moment, our performance did not reliably meet expectations.” Dr. Rochelle Walensky said this and more in a statement to the media yesterday that goes on to recommend CDC changes.

We’re so far down the rabbit hole that Bugs Bunny just asked Dr. Rochelle, “ah, what’s up doc?”

 

A Country Divided….

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

In the divided country that we live in does anything divide us more than our stances on abortion?

National elections come close.  To go to or not go to war might come even closer.  Might.

But, reproductive rights, formerly known as women’s wellness, formerly known as women’s healthcare, formerly known as pro-choice, formerly known as abortion is the greatest divider of us all.

A SCOTUS ruling in 1973 in Roe v. Wade effectively made abortions legal in all 50 states.  Almost 50 years later the SCOTUS majority opinion returned the decision on its legality to the individual states.

And the for abortion crowd roared its disapproval.  And, the for abortion crowd will continue to roar its collective throaty disapproval.

President Joe Biden said last week, “Roe is on the ballot come November.”  Unfortunately for Democrats, his job performance is also on the ballot come November.

The right to a peaceful protest is guaranteed by our First Amendment.  Protest away.  Elect who you want to help shape the future going forward.

What isn’t necessary are emotional train wreck-type people suggesting emotional train wrecks.

Take Maxine Waters, please.   We ask in our best Henny Youngman voice.

“You ain’t seen nothing yet. Women are going to control their bodies no matter how they try and stop [us]. The hell with the Supreme Court. We will defy them,” said the far-too-long in power Ms. Waters.  She continued, “Black women will be out in droves. We will be out by the thousands. We will be out by the millions. We’re going to make sure we fight for the right to control our own bodies.”

It took her about 20 seconds to suggest we ignore the Supreme Court and injected obvious racist overtones into the good fight.  She’s quite the leader.

A few pro-life centers got torched this weekend in the mostly peaceful protests.  A few more are sure to follow.

Former President (and some say current) Barrack Obama called the move an attack on “the essential freedoms of millions of Americans.”  He also famously said in 2008 that “elections have consequences.”  In 2016 America elected President Trump.  Trump nominated three new Justices.  You know the rest.

If you’re old enough or studied history before it was revised, you’ve seen a few laws and rulings fall in and out of favor.

Alcohol was once consumed freely until 1920, prohibited from then until 1933, and legal again thereafter.

The war on drugs has gone so well that we have hoisted the white flag and either legalized or decriminalized marijuana in most states.

Heck, if you read enough opinions you know that breast milk, raw eggs, mercury, and ivermectin are either good or bad for you depending on the decade the opinion is written and how the wind blows.

Oil and gas went from one of the main drivers of the industrialized and now advanced standard of living we have, to a nasty fossil fuel that’s going to end the world very soon.

Windmills are in.  Exxon is out.

Obama said climate change is a fact.  We cannot even debate its merits anymore.

The number of Justices on the Supreme Court changed six times before settling to the present total of nine in 1869.  Recently we wanted to stack it.  Now we want to abolish it.

Some women are so incensed that they are marching in Washington exclaiming that they are going to go on strike and abstain from sex because of this ruling.  Inadvertently, they brought logic into their emotional eruption.

Right about now we could use more logic in the country, inadvertent or not.

The only thing that is constant is change.

And, a lot can change in a quick 50 years.

 

 

 

 

 

The (Not) Great Reset

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

We believe for a fact that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone in 1963 when he shot and killed President John F. Kennedy.  We believe this based on a mountain of evidence piled up over the years vs very little to the contrary.  Follow the forensic and ballistic science.

President Obama said in 2014,  “The shift to a cleaner energy economy won’t happen overnight, and it will require tough choices along the way.  But the debate is settled.  Climate change is a fact.”  Clearly, he believes it. Or, at the least, he’s a great pitchman for solar and electric companies.

We believe it too as the climate has always been changing.  It’s how the sun is constantly cooling for example. It’s how the lower half of Florida broke off from Louisiana and floated to its current Everglades location. Follow the science.

And clearly, the CDC, labeled yesterday on Twitter as the Center for Disinformation and Control, believes that yet another covid variant is amongst us and potentially so disruptive that they extended the airplane mask mandate another 15 days. It was supposed to fly away for good on Monday 4/18.  Science.

Dr. Fauci must feel like a kid in a candy store this morning, but we digress.

That the CDC extended this mandate is beyond laughable.   And, that’s the problem.  It’s beyond laughable because there has to be a method to their madness.  Is it another means to a bigger end?

If you believe in the “Great Reset” theory, it’s all a bit scary.  We’re not sure if we do.  But, clearly, something is afoot.  There are too many zealots, not experts, pulling from the same side of the rope.

Masks don’t work.  Doctors near and far will tell you this.  You can take them off while eating.  What a joke.

But don’t say that out loud.  Twitter might suspend or even ban you.

The FBI might investigate you.  Of course, that’s not something that you need to worry about apparently.

You don’t need a mask anywhere in the US worth talking about.  Philly government buildings and NY preschools aren’t worth it.

Neither is the White House where an “emotional” Kamala forgot hers after the Judge Jackson confirmation.  That’s excusable and understandable, isn’t it?

But, step on a plane and mask up or else.  Control.  Power.

The CEOs of the major airlines should refuse to enforce the mandate starting today.  Today.  It’s not legal.  It’s not a law passed by Congress.

At least racism is getting fixed.  Well, it’s not if you boarded a subway in Brooklyn Tuesday.

And, yesterday Janet Yellen, Secretary of the Treasury spoke out again against climate change and in support of a carbon tax.   “Climate change is a very critical problem that we need to address. The central problem is the damage caused by greenhouse gas emissions.”  Yellen, the bean counter, is now yelling as a climate change expert.

Meanwhile down at the border, no masks are needed.  Neither is a negative covid test.  Fences?  Nah.  Border patrol? But, why?

Do you want cheaper gas and oil?  Tough.  Buy a Tesla.

Ah, Tesla.  That brings us to Elon Musk.  This morning he announced plans to buy Twitter.  And, with the offer comes the promise that free speech on one big left-leaning social media tech platform might actually be freed.

And, with that and the upcoming midterms comes something else that we believe in.  The pendulum.  And, the pendulum is moving even when you think it is not.

Maybe there is light at the end of that tunnel after all.

Let us hope it’s not a NY subway train light.

Was that offensive?  One can hope.

The Best Medicine

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

Way back when before everyone became a victim of some terrible social injustice or, even worse, inequality, there was comedy.  We used to poke fun at ourselves.

Way back when we also cut down trees to staple paper together into magazines.  One monthly that came to America’s door was The Reader’s Digest.  It had many regular features.   One of them was called Laughter, The Best Medicine.  That’s so right.

Way back in 1984, Ronald Reagan asked Don Rickles to perform at his inauguration.  Rickles job?  His job was to cut down Reagan, First Lady Nancy, and his cabinet members right in front of them.

He did.   How insensitive was it? They howled. The more the better was how insensitive it was.

Could Henny Youngman, Rodney Dangerfield, George Carlin, and Don Rickles even perform today?  God, we hope so.  And God, while we are at it, we could really use a line or two.

Henny, you’re up!

I said to my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’ She said, ‘I want to go somewhere I’ve never been before.’ I said, ‘Try the kitchen.’

I’m offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Rodney, try to get some respect!

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, “Wait till it gets warmer.”

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over, and said, “Look, twins!”

George Carlin takes center stage.

“As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.”

“Have you ever noticed that you never get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it’s because all the coats are on the bed.”

“Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?”

“How is it possible to have a civil war?”

And, last, but not least, Don Rickles!

[to Robin Williams, upon seeing his forearms] “I’ve never met an ape.”

“Orson Welles, this great man was married to a great many women. They’re all flat now.”

“Is that your wife, sir? Jesus… what was it, a train?”

“Bob Hope couldn’t be here tonight, he’s looking for a war.”

In summary, perhaps Rickles said it best, “You know, every night when I go out on stage, there’s always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I’m always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I’m not going to offend!”

 

 

 

 

Sleep With the Fishes

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

Yesterday here at the global headquarters for BBR.com the temperature at 8 AM was 77.   As we gather for a staff meeting we just asked Siri what it is this morning.  Her answer was, “Brrrrr, it’s 37.”

Maybe, just maybe, this is enough to convince those “climate deniers” that change is indeed in the air.  For further proof, we used the Google search engine courtesy of Al Gore’s internet for any recent updates to this existential threat.

Gore himself is quite the expert on climate change (formerly known only as global warming) as well.  As a former VP, though, his expertise on the climate falls short of current VP Harris’ handle on the US and now the Ukrainian border, but we digress.

The very first article that popped up was courtesy of NOLA.com the virtual newspaper formerly known as The Times-Picayune back when we cut trees down to write.  The article, in a nutshell, said that the latest Federal Government research project on rising water levels now projects a two-foot rise at the Louisiana coastline from current levels by 2050 and a four-foot rise by 2100 of the Gulf of Mexico.

This was a modest but not insignificant increase in levels from a previous study by the same team just five years ago.  The word dour comes to mind.

As we ready the lifeboats, we climate change ignoramuses have a couple of questions, please and thank you.

One, if the water is going up two feet on the Louisiana coastline by 2050, isn’t it going up by two feet everywhere in the Gulf of Mexico, or for that matter any and everywhere that land touches an ocean worldwide?  The old adage, “water seeks its own level” comes to mind.  We’re not claiming to be intelligent, just inquisitive.

Are all coast dwellers soon to “sleep with the fishes?”  Venice, Italy, are you listening?

Two, Nancy Pelosi is building a swanky mansion on the Florida Gulf Coast for her retirement home as we speak.  What does she know that the researchers have overlooked?

Cramped Barracks at Barrack’s. Is a Small Carbon Footprint Needed to Run this Joint?

Oh, and Barrack Obama and the fam decided that they would like an occasional getaway from the cramped conditions in Martha’s Vineyard.  They’re building a second home on the Hawaiian Islands.  Will they fly to and fro emitting fossil fuel all along the 3000-mile journey?  Heck, maybe the glacier melts and Artic Shelf degradation fallout won’t matter much that far away from the mainland.

Then we wonder why the tops of every single mountain reaching thousands of feet in the Sedona, Arizona air are flat, parallel to the ground there? A little research of our own, not federally funded, tells us that once upon a time the ocean actually was there.  The tops of the mountains were the floor of the sea.  Let that sink in a bit.

This brings us to the ultimate question.  Hasn’t the climate always been changing?  Of course, it has.  If you don’t believe us ask the dinosaurs.

But, now we need to do something about what nature does on its own.  Why?  Because mankind (and womankind) is bad.  We’re destroying our planet.

It’s why we have more hurricanes and more severe ones at that.  No, it isn’t.  And, do we even have more and more severe ones?  Nah.  We have more damage because more folks like Nancy and Barrack live closer to the water than ever, so the damage to lives and property is far worse.

If ending(which you can’t) or greatly reducing fossil fuel consumption is some/most/all of our solution we’ll eventually get close.  But, you need communist China and India, and others to jump on board.

And, relative to what Mother Nature does on her own it’s like shooting a BB at a tank anyway.  But, shoot away.

All it takes is 30 or 60 or 90 trillion depending on who you ask.  AOC thinks 90 and she’s an emerging expert here as well.

And, finally, did you know that the sun is cooling by the year as well?  What to do, what to do?  Get a match.

Father Time is undefeated, and you shouldn’t mess with Mother Nature.

But, give it a try we will.  Oh, and you better get it done by 2050 or you can kiss Louisiana goodbye.