Life

Lefty And Shorty-Gas, Horse, Beer

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

If Lefty and Shorty were still with us last early evening might have unfolded like this.

Lefty and Shorty sat quietly in the cool but nice spring air.  It was only 6:30 PM, and cars were nowhere to be found.  Lefty- Why do we even stay open this late?  Shorty- I guess so that we can discuss this crazy gas station business world that we live in today.

Lefty sat to the left of Shorty.  Imagine that.  Shorty sat on the shorter of the two “halves” of the 55-gallon drum. Imagine that.  Each was cut down to size and retrofitted with a soft cushion top.

Lefty- Why do you even say that?  Shorty- I don’t get it.  Lefty- You don’t get what?  Shorty- I don’t get why nobody’s getting gas anymore.  Lefty- Maybe it’s because nobody’s driving anywhere right now?  Shorty-Why do you move my chair every time I get up?  Lefty- Social distancing.  Shorty- Antisocial huh?  Lefty-Yep, you don’t get it.  And, hopefully, I won’t get it because you don’t get it.

Only two cars passed by during what should be a busy time.  Shorty looked a bit sad.

Lefty- Do you miss the NBA?  Shorty- Like a grease monkey misses an oil change.  Lefty- The NBA might be going to H-O-R-S-E.  Shorty- Great, even fewer people driving.  Lefty- Wow.  NO! I mean they might start playing one on one games of Horse as they did way back when.  Shorty- Really?  Cool.  I remember. Lefty-  The best was Pistol Pete Maravich and nobody was even close.  Shorty- Do you think he could have beaten Curly Neal? Lefty- We’ll never know.  Shorty- Who had the better hairdo?  Lefty- Um.  Shorty- One had a mop and the other had a cue ball.

Lefty- Pistol died way too young and Curly just passed.  Shorty- Curly was a ball hog.  He dribbled a lot more than passed. Lefty- wha…

Shorty- I’m going to restock the cooler before we lock up.  Do you want anything?  Lefty- Beer to go. I need to forget this conversation as soon as I can.  Shorty- What one?  Lefty- Anything is fine, but none that begin with the letter C.

The Headlines Are Bold

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

The headlines are bold.  Opening lines and quotes from articles around the US tell us all we need to know this morning.  Here they are.  We follow with a question or comment about them as we go.

During an interview on Wednesday Vice President Mike Pence stated that if people continue to follow guidelines, “we could be in a very different place by the end of April.”  Hopefully that means a better place because the current “different” place isn’t too good.  And, can anyone explain how way lower numbers then mean that we just don’t start climbing the bad hill all over again?  Hydroxychloroquine anyone?

The president commented on Bernie Sanders’ exit from the Democrat presidential primary during the White House press briefing.  “That’s a weird deal that’s going on,” he said.  What’s weirdest of all is that the man that we don’t see anymore (Joe Biden) basically wins the nomination while a virus that we don’t see derailed what was left of the race.  The best thing for Biden is less exposure.  Plus, he coughs into his hand.  He’s got great cover right now.

The Pope weighed in yesterday as well.  Pope Francis said he believes the Chinese coronavirus pandemic is “certainly nature’s response” to humanity’s failure to address the “partial catastrophes” wrought by human-induced climate change.  “Fires, earthquakes … nature is throwing a tantrum so that we will take care of her,” he said.  We have to wonder if human-induced climate change is also the reason that the Roman Catholic church has now spent billions of parishioner’s donations on covering up thousands of priest’s child sexual abuses.  Think of the financial contribution that the church could have made to the Green New Deal with that kind of dough.

President Donald Trump on Wednesday continued his criticism of the World Health Organization’s handling of Chinese coronavirus pandemic.  He pointed to a statement from the WHO as late as January 14 insisting there was no human to human transfer of the virus, echoing propaganda from China.  “Well, there was,” Trump said shortly.  The USA has paid for it in more ways than one.  “Last year, it was $452 million, and China paid $42 million,” Trump said regarding the funding of the WHO.  World Health Organization (WHO) chief Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus responded, “Please quarantine politicizing COVID.  We will have many body bags in front of us if we don’t behave.”  Sure Tedros.  Thanks for the visual too.  The next thing you know the WHO will be telling us that climate change led to this mess.

James Carville said, “The Wisconsin Primary proved that Republicans will kill people to stay in power.”  Sure James.  Well, either social distancing works or not.  BBR wonders, ” Are liquor stores open in Wisconsin as necessary businesses?”  Sure, booze is optional. You can choose to stand in line or not for your Miller Lite.  But if the government knows best shouldn’t it either keep both liquor stores and voting booths open, or both closed?  If you closed liquor stores in Milwaukee you’d have real civil unrest.  This one is a tough call.

Linda Tripp, the Pentagon staffer who blew the whistle on President Bill Clinton’s illicit relationship with intern Monica Lewinsky in 1998, leading to the first presidential impeachment in more than a century, died on Wednesday at age 70.  We didn’t know it then, but apparently it was the birth of “fake news.”  In her words, “Most whistleblowers stand alone.  For all practical purposes, life as they know it ceases to exist. I was not protected. I was eviscerated. Not only by President Clinton and his wife but also by the mainstream media. A concerted effort began to decimate my credibility. The effort gave birth to what we now call fake news.”  They don’t make whistleblowers like Tripp anymore.  Isn’t that right Adam?

Mayday.  Mayday.  May is only 21 days away.

Emotion Recollected in Tranquility

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

The start of April 2020 has been tough.   But, April is National Poetry Month, and it’s worth celebrating.  Isn’t it?  We don’t have too many choices otherwise.

Could there ever be a better name for a poet than William Wordsworth?  Wordsworth, the old wordsmith, wrote: “Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility.”

We have lots of powerful feelings these days.  And, if you can keep your mind in a great place there is ample time for tranquility too.

With that as the backdrop, we present a poem so skillfully penned you would think it was carved from the edge of a surgeon’s scalpel.  It comes courtesy of an avid reader.

 

My Corona

 

We all had great jobs and unemployment was so low.

The market was way up, as we watched our retirement grow.

 

The U.S. was great again, and impeachment was a dud.

K.C. had won the Super Bowl, and Patrick Mahomes was a stud.

 

March Madness was starting.  Who would be king of the hoop?

Instantly, life changed when a Chinaman undercooked his bat soup.

 

But The Masters was starting soon.  We can’t miss Sunday’s back nine.

And baseball too?  But that’s America’s favorite pastime!

 

Social distancing is the CDC’s rule to observe.

All the models say we’ll flatten the curve.

 

What about Biden and Bernie and the democratic race?

6 feet apart, wear a mask and shelter in place

 

Corona is novel and like nothing we’ve ever seen.

Get in your house and serve a 14 day quarantine.

 

“Hydroxychloroquine and ZPak might help”, says the president.

Dr. Fauci says “No”, because there is no precedent.

 

Can’t we just try?  It might save our neck!

“No!”, says the Government.  We’ll send you a check.

 

Well done.  Bravo.  Amen.

Play Ball

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

Is the stock market trying to tell us something?  The Dow was up over 1000 points yesterday.  In premarket trading it’s up another 750 points this AM.

We hesitate to even speculate.  We will, however.   But, we suggest that you keep hoarding toilet paper, if you can find it, in the meanwhile.

Does Wall St. see light at the end of the tunnel in the fight against the enemy that we cannot see?

President Trump said last evening that he can see it.   Is President Trump trying to tell us something?  He always does.  In a way it’s part of his job.  He sees it that way for sure.   Jimmy Carter told us in ’79 to use less energy and examine our lives when energy was in short supply.  Barack Obama told us that the manufacturing jobs were gone forever.  Trump is a tad bit more of an abrasively aggressive solutions-oriented president.

He said this on the same evening that he brokered a few deals.  He talked to two companies that must have some very advanced medicines or medical procedures in an effort to help Prime Minister Boris Johnson of Great Britain.   Johnson is now an ICU patient.  He also talked to India.  They are major producers of a drug that is rapidly gaining traction in the fight.

Have you ever heard of hydroxychloroquine?  It’s the same drug that Trump mentioned two weeks ago as hopeful and was taken apart by the media for a) giving medical advice when he wasn’t a doctor, or b) giving false hope.  Soon “hydroxychloroquine” might roll off of your tongue as easily as “social distancing” does today.

There are now more than a few doctors in a few countries that are treating coronavirus patients with the drug and in many instances in combination with one or two others.  We suggest that you read it for yourself.  We make no medical claims here.

IS MLB trying to tell us something?  Major League Baseball and its players are increasingly focused on a plan that could allow them to start the season as early as May and have the support of high-ranking federal public health officials who believe the league can safely operate amid the coronavirus pandemic, sources told ESPN.  Can you almost hear the crack of the ball off of the wooden bat off in the distance?

One thing is for sure.  We can’t live like we are for too much longer.  The world is built around commerce.  No commerce for too long means 1930’s bread lines that stretch too long.

The road to recovery on Wall St. has many potholes and left turns in front of it.  The medical road to recovery mandates that we drive six feet apart and is somewhere on some hill that might be flattening.

Trump is in the on-deck circle.  When the medical umpires think it’s safe enough he wants them to bellow “PLAY BALL.”   Don’t we all?

 

Trying Times. No Respect. Stay Safe.

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

As we near the end of week three of sheltering in place we look for the positives.  We are positive that we have had the opportunity to get reacquainted with our family in a way “normal” life doesn’t even allow.  With that comes benefits and drawbacks like most anything else in life as we know it.

So, it got us to wondering, WWRDSAT.  What would Rodney Dangerfield say about this?

  1.  It’s been great, you know?  With the restaurants closed we’ve been able to eat a lot more home-cooked meals.  But my wife, she’s a bad cook, you know?  Very bad.   At my house, we pray after we eat.
  2.  The other day we were running low on food.  She went to the store, you know?  I got a call.  Halfway there she ran into a tree.  I asked her, ‘did you swerve to avoid it?’  She said, ‘No, but I did blow the horn.’
  3.  The way she drives, are you kidding me?  Vehicles are very cheap right now.  I went out and bought the perfect second car for us.  A tow truck.
  4.  My sex life has suffered too.   That I can tell you.  The other day I went out on my bicycle to get some exercise.  As I turned back down my street for home I see a grown man running down my street.  I said “hey what are you doing running down my street naked?’  He said, ’cause you came home early.’
  5. My wife, I thought the next day she wanted to make it up to me.  I got home from my walk.  She greeted me at the front door in some very sexy lingerie.  The problem was she was headed out.
  6.  It’s getting worse you know.  She told me that she was cutting me down to twice a month.  I figured that wasn’t so bad really.  I know some guys that she cut out completely.  No respect.
  7. I’m getting desperate in these times.  I figured I’d quit the online gambling.  I called gamblers anonymous.  They gave me two to one odds that I wouldn’t make it.
  8. I went down the local AA meeting too.  They charged me ten bucks to get in and said there was a two-drink minimum.   No respect.
  9.  The way my kids live their lives isn’t helping either.  My daughter, she’s been picked up so many times she’s starting to grow handles.  They ended her senior school year early.  Nonetheless, she was voted “most likely to conceive.”
  10.  I only wish my son’s room was as clean as his weed.
  11. I tried to break up the monotony yesterday.  I told my kids, let’s play hide and seek.   They never came to find me.
  12.  I figured some alone time might be best for us all.  I decided to go outside and skate on the pond in our neighborhood.  My wife suggested that I wait until it gets warmer.
  13.  I tried to close my eyes and think back to better times.  My childhood.  Ah, yes.  I remember my mom telling me that she had morning sickness after I was born.
  14.  She said the doctor told her that he did everything that he could, but I lived.
  15.  Even growing up was tough.  I had to stop playing in the sandbox.  The cats. They kept trying to cover me up.

Trying times.

No respect.

Stay safe.

 

 

 

Ten Piece Nuggets-Random

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

With news coming at us from all angles and sports news scarce, we chose the Ten Piece Nuggets route this AM.   Below are as random of a collection of thoughts on a wide range of subjects as you can get.  A lot of time on our hands means that a lot enters and exits the mind these days.  The delivery matches the country’s mindset we think.  Look at it this way- at least you don’t have to tip for this delivery.

  1.  Are you still surprised that Tom Brady is a Tampa Bay Buccaneer?  Stuff happens, especially in 2020.  Jerry Rice, Brett Farve, Joe Montana, and Marcus Allen all starred for one team for a long time.  They all won Super Bowls.  They all are in the HOF.  And, they all finished their careers with a different team.  Nonetheless, it will still look strange when (should we say if?) Brady trots out from under the pirate’s ship this fall.
  2. OJ Simpson is yet another.  The longtime Buffalo Bill finished his career in a different uniform too.  He became a 49er for a stint.  Of course, he also wore a different uniform for two other stints as well.  One was for a year in the LA County uni.  And, he made yet another comeback with about an eight-year run (Run OJ, run) just outside of Vegas.  But we digress.
  3.  Speaking of drama in Vegas, predictably the NFL show must go on.  The draft is later this month, but won’t be held in the middle of the Bellagio Fountain as planned.  It will be done virtually like it was many, many years ago.  An in-studio set and a network of computers will replace a smoke-filled room and 30 phone lines.  We predict record numbers will watch and watch.
  4. Why record numbers?  If America couldn’t turn its eyes away from Tiger King, the Netflix documentary smash hit, it’s a Vegas sure tell that we are all looking for something to get our minds off of the silent enemy.
  5. While on the Tiger King subject, we wonder.  Is the only one in jail, Joe Exotic, the most “normal” person of all of the actors/characters/people in the seven-part series?  And, isn’t there another documentary screaming at Netflix emanating out of this one?  How did Carole Baskin’s first husband just disappear?  No one just disappears.
  6. And, since we are all bored out of our minds, BBR recommends Succession to you.  The characters are filthy rich, awkward, weird, and out of their minds, too.  The staff wrapped up watching season one last night.  You could do worse.
  7. Adam Schiff, who thankfully we were able to forget for two months, is back at it.  He wants his House Intelligence(we have our doubts) Committee to investigate what we the government did wrong as this pandemic raced to us and through us.  Too soon? It’s never too soon to grab the narrative.
  8. Speaking of investigations, should someone look a bit deeper into the $25 million given to the JFK Performing Arts Center?  The ink isn’t dry yet on the money that the Feds should not print, but will.   It was announced, and BBR is looking deeper into the facts, that the Center made a $5 million donation to the Democratic National Committee late last week.   We don’t know the exact definition of money laundering.  But, this looks like it could use a second rinse cycle to get the tough stains out.
  9.  At a time when nearly all hospitals have canceled elective surgeries for the foreseeable future, Planned Parenthood is requesting donations of personal protective equipment (PPE) for its staff as the group demands elective abortions continue during the coronavirus crisis in the United States.  Meanwhile, Planned Parenthood’s fighting the restrictions of our current state of shutdown.  The group is suing the state of Texas for banning services after declaring abortion “non-essential.”  This one is getting interesting.
  10.  And, finally, here is a BBR staff plea.  Tell everyone you see or talk to who is not practicing social distancing to please do so whenever possible.  Does it help or not is not the question.   It’s not the question because it would be better to do it and find out it doesn’t help than to not do it and find out that it would have.  It’s not very hard either.

Time to run.  Joe Exotic called while we were penning this.  He says that he knows where Hoffa is buried too.

 

 

It’s ICYMI Friday

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

It’s in case you missed it Friday.

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson tested positive for COVID-19.  Why do we act so surprised when a celebrity, dignitary, athlete, or any other big who hah contracts the virus?  The virus doesn’t know who’s who.  It practices the diversity that we preach.

New Orleans Saints head football coach Sean Payton tested positive two weeks ago.  He announced that doctors “cleared” him yesterday.  If you had it and are now clear does that mean that you can do as you please without fear of reoccurrence? We guess so. You can only get the measles once.  Is there a doctor in the BBR house that can set us straight?

Harlem Globetrotter legend Curly Neal passed away yesterday at a too early 77.  The baddest, baldest dribbler on the globe was a great showman.  He played (performed) in roughly 6000 games and won every one of them.  He also won over millions of fans on five continents.  Check out the one-minute highlight video here.   Do it.  You’ll still have 23:59 of stay at home time to fill afterward today.

Isn’t Sweet Georgia Brown the greatest theme song for a show ever?  Close your eyes and whistle it.  It’ll take you back to your childhood in a Harlem, NY minute.

From the Monday close to the Thursday close, the Dow Jones Industrial Average rose over 20%.  It’s the largest three day gain percentage-wise for the average since 1930.  Based on this morning’s opening a four-day winning streak looks dicey.  Let’s not get greedy.

Boris Johnson’s news aside, the path chosen today was to lighten it up a bit.  It’s been another long week. So for today, that’ll do it.

We’ll keep it short and sweet.  Sweet like Georgia Brown.

 

How?

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

How long has this been going on?  VP Mike Pence said last evening that we were crossing on to day eight of 15 of our national stay at home recommendation. Stay tuned.  It feels like a month already.  And it might be just that if the proverbial curve doesn’t start to flatten soon.

How many people are/were sick?  Globally we went from 200k to over 300k documented cases in an eyelash.  The world’s population is estimated at 7.7 billion.  So, 300,000 divided by 7,700,000,000 is .000039.  Stated another way it’s 4 in every 100,000 or 4 hundredths of one percent.  Got that?  It sounds like a very small number.  But it doesn’t speak to the recent past very well due to misdiagnoses, misinformation, no testing, etc.  It also projects very poorly in the near future it seems.  The short answer is we didn’t know then, and we don’t really know now.  And, that’s the worst nonanswer answer possible.

How many industries are getting crushed by the day?  Many.  The worst are the airlines, cruise ships, bars, casinos, and restaurants.

How many businesses are actually doing fairly well? Maybe not many, but a few certainly are.  Chlorox is one.  Amazon has to be another.  Their business model was built for tomorrow, and as it turns out, we need it for today.  Walmart is awfully glad that they invested billions into building out a virtual store as well.  Proctor and Gamble markets Crest, Dawn, Charmin, Bounty, Tide, Vicks, and Pampers.  Amazon, Walmart, and overrun grocery chains must be selling a lot of all of those.  Netflix and Verizon also come to mind.

How much longer do we need to wait for the children in Washington to provide a very much needed stimulus bill?  Apparently a bit longer.  After negotiating all weekend the Democrats voted against their own proposal.  Nancy Pelosi flew in from Cali, a state of emergency, to persuade colleagues to vote against what they constructed.  That’s not very constructive.

How many times can President Trump stand in front of his assembled crisis team, grab the mic, and tell us how great of a job they are doing by citing polls?  The answer is every day for the past seven and likely every day for the next seven or more as well.  Many in his base are willing to look past what he says and how he says it in favor of relishing in the results achieved three years to date.  But in a world of what have you done for us lately, he seems out of his league on this one.  His best move would be to move to the side and let his team tell the tale.  He never moves to the side, however.  And PS, didn’t he tell us three years ago that polls were inaccurate?

How can Joe Biden be the best alternative for the never Trumpers or non-Trump crowd?  He’s been seen a total of eight minutes in the last six days due to supposed telecommunication issues.  That probably helps him actually.    It does lower his gaffes per day average.  He does have a captive audience though.  We’re all sitting home, not working, and complaining about everything.  And, now we’re all waiting on a stimulus check.  That sounds like a crowd tailor-made for him.

How did we get here?  This is China bat $#@% crazy.

Stay tuned.  Stay home.  Stay strong.  Stay safe.

 

MAHA

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

We doubt that you missed it.  But, if you did, here it is.   The Governor of California issued a statewide  “stay at home” order last afternoon.

“We need to bend the curve in the state of California,” Gov. Gavin Newsom said in an announcement. “There’s a social contract here.  People, I think recognize the need to do more. They will adjust and adapt as they have.”

Newsom also sent a letter to President Trump with the presumption that over half of California’s 35 million residents will contract the virus in the next 8 weeks.  Probably not.  Maybe.  Who knows?  He also requested that Trump dispatch the USNS Mercy hospital ship to the Port of Los Angeles through September 1, 2020, to assist with expected cases.  The visual of that would be, dare we say it, 9/11 tower-like.  But, are we past trying to look good?

With the a) the number of cases in the U.S. rising sharply by the day, and b) the number of deaths geometrically increasing in Italy, it is understandable to take this action.

Won’t the other 49 states get there at some point?   Aren’t we almost there, save for a few morons who decided to party on South Beach this week, anyway?  And, the sooner the better so sooner we can get better, please.

The local golf course did the following.  Four weeks ago it was business as usual.  Three weeks ago all of the carts and tables were getting wiped down after each use.  Two weeks ago there were no more condiments on tables and no more scorecards and pencils on the carts.  This week the restaurant and halfway stand are closed, and the sand trap rakes and divot fill sand containers gone.  Next week there will be no more holes cut in the greens, rather a small pot with a small flag will sit somewhere on the green as a target.

We kid you not on the above.  And, yet, if the increasingly safer measures taken by the week aren’t enough, what is?  What’s next, a sign saying keep off of the greens and tee boxes?  What’s left?  And, that’s the point.

On 2/26 San Francisco’s mayor declared a local emergency to make it easier for the populous city and international travel hub to combat novel coronavirus if it comes — even while stressing that it isn’t there yet.  It sounded Draconian just 23 days ago,  Not one case, not one case we repeat, had hit the city at that point.

What would Italy do if it had a do-over?

A national “stay at home” order would be a bold stroke.  It’s time to combat this invisible monster with a bold stroke.  Newsom is attempting to do just that.

Trump, if nothing else, is bold and combative.

MAHA- Make America Healthy Again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sure Thing

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

The year was 1999.  As a Patriot did you do your part and party like it was 1999?

Patriot fans should have.  And they should have, not because the world was about to dive headlong into a new century, but because an afterthought 6th round draft choice named Tom Brady was selected by New England.

“They” say that nothing is a sure thing except death and taxes.  Tom Brady was anything but a sure thing.  You might have been smarter to withdraw money from your local ATM to stuff under your mattress than to bet on Tom making the club, much less staring in the Patriot’s patriotic red, white, and blue uniforms for 20 years.  He won a few Super Bowls, too.

Remember the world was going to end back then when the clock struck 12:01 AM on day one of the year two thousand.  Computers were going to be rife with viruses and forever disrupt our lives.  The experts told us as much.   It might feel the same way now if you insert the word “humans” for the word “computers.”

Back then Kurt Warner, coached by Dick Vermeil, led the St. Louis Rams to a thrilling Super Bowl XXXIV win.  Who did they beat?  The Tenessee Titans. It was year one of them being known as such.  The prior two years they were the Tenessee Oilers and before that the Houston Oilers.  The Houston Texans didn’t yet exist.  Feel old?

The next sure thing, say the NFL experts, is Joe Burrow.  Comparisons abound.  The one that is bandied around most often is that Burrow reminds the “experts” of Tom Brady.  Funny thing is, the “experts” all overlooked Tom Brady, who turned out to be the surest thing.  Have you heard that nothing is a sure thing?

Tom Brady is going to be a Tampa Bay Buccaneer.  Sure thing.  Joe Burrow is going to be a Cincinnati Bengal.  Sure thing.

The rest of this is history yet to be written.

A lot can happen in 20 years.  The Dow Jones Industrial Average ended 1999 at 11,497, then an all-time high.  In mid-February, the DJIA closed at 29,472, then an all-time high.  Some “experts” think we might be going back to 11,497.  Others think we’ll get back to 29k.  Who knows?  Maybe we should ask Bill Belichick.

With panic at all-time high levels itself, good health is foremost on our minds. The alternative is not an option.   Taxes are still due, but Trump’s going to delay the inevitable for some time.

Perhaps there is no such thing as a “sure” thing?

Maybe we should be partying like it’s 1999.