If Lefty and Shorty were still with us on Thanksgiving evening the night might have unfolded like this.
Lefty and Shorty sat quietly in the cool fall air. It was nearly midnight and cars were nowhere to be found. Lefty- Why do we stay open till midnight on Thanksgiving? Shorty- So that we can discuss how Lefty is going to do Friday. It’s a tall order.
Lefty sat to the left of Shorty. Imagine that. Shorty sat on the shorter of the two “halves” of the 55 gallon drum. Imagine that. Each were cut down to size and retrofitted with a soft cushion top. Lefty looked confused.
Lefty- How am I going to do Friday? And, what do you know about tall, Shorty? Shorty- No. Not you Lefty, the other Lefty. Phil Mickelson.
Lefty- Phil Mickelson? What’s he doing Friday? Shorty- Haven’t you heard? He is playing Tiger Woods in a winner take all 18 hole match.
Lefty- I haven’t heard anything about it. Shorty- Worse yet, it’s on pay per view.
Lefty- How much? Shorty- It’s $19.95 per household for you, and it’s nine million bucks for one of them. Lefty- Somebody must be paying to watch. Shorty- Tiger has been paying since Thanksgiving 2005 when his ex-wife swung that nine iron through his back window and he crashed into the tree.
Lefty- When is the last time Phil won any money? Shorty- In Vegas? Every now and then. In a card game? Twice a week. In the Ryder Cup? Maybe 1999.
Lefty- I won’t tune in Friday. Shorty- I might tune up my 57 Chevy.
Lefty- What happens if they play and no one pays to watch? Shorty- They’re about to find out. It works for the LPGA.
Thanksgiving has come and is nearly gone. That means Rivalry Week is upon us. It starts Turkey Day night with the Egg Bowl. Abby has no egg on her jowls however. A difficult week to wager nicked her just a bit. Her won/loss record is dead even at 18-18-1. We give thanks that her bones wagered is gravy at 55%, with 50 of 91 buried. The hunch bet is no leftover cranberry either. That record is a strong 7 up and only 1 down.
Rivalry Week can be tricky. Who is motivated? Who has mailed it in? Whose coach is mashed potatoes? Abby is ready for her just desserts. The picks follow.
Under 61.5 Miss St. at Ole Miss- The Egg Bowl might put you to sleep even if the trytophan doesn’t. Miss State’s D is legit. Abby thinks the front four is only behind Bama, Michigan, and Clemson. Ole Miss has a legit O. But D beats O like rock beats scissors. Abby think this one ends under 50 total points. Two bones.
UCF -14 at USF- South Florida is reeling, losers of four in a row. This Interstate rivalry is separated by only about 80 miles of I-4. But, the teams are much further apart than that on the field.. Abby expects UCF to put their foot on the gas and not let off. Two bones.
Florida St +6.5 v Florida – An outright win makes Florida State bowl eligible for the 30th year in a row. A loss ushers in their promising basketball team’s season. Willie Taggert and Dan Mullen’s first year as head coaches at the two programs have had some ups and downs. Both are looking up at UCF in the state for now. The Gators win and the Seminoles cover. One bone.
Under 56.5 Michigan at THE OSU- The legend that Urban is might, Might, MIGHT be winding down at THE. Ohio St. has a leaky defense. Michigan has a shut down defense. Because the game is at THE Horseshoe we think OSU gets a few stops and the game only gets into the low twenties. A playoff spot for the bespeckled Jim Harbaugh essentially hangs in the 60 minute balance. Three bones.
Texas A&M -2.5 v LSU- Abby knows that A&M is 0-7 in the SEC v LSU. Abby knows that A&M can play run D and has a qb that can run. That’s two big legs up when facing LSU. A field goal separates the winner this time. A&M is healthier and has circled this game on it’s schedule since, well, last Thanksgiving weekend. One bone.
On a hunch take Washington and Washington St. under 48.5 total points. Like last week’s Iowa St. v Texas low o/u line, we think Vegas is begging you to take the over. Abby thinks begging is an unbecoming trait for pure breds.
There you have it. Three unders, two favorites, and one dog are the picks.
Warm pecan pie and a scoop of Blue Bell Vanilla Bean ice cream sounds mighty fine just about right now.
We have much to be thankful for. Realize that. Embrace that. And, take a moment today to embrace someone or many and tell them how thankful you are to be able to enjoy your time with them.
If someone or something has you down, remember that the situation could always be worse. Brighter days are just ahead. They always are. Look for them, work towards them, and you will find them!
Remember, Father Time is undefeated. But, you can give him a hell of a game with the right attitude.
One of the many gifts that Boom Boom gave us was the torrent of quips about how one leads one’s life. He could say so much by saying so little. A statement at just the right moment resonated in my young, eager eardrums. How I interpreted or applied it was up to me. No more words were spoken because no more words were needed.
Boom Boom lived a healthy and vivacious life for a full 80 years. In his late seventies he was still regularly riding his bike, walking a mile or so, and maintaining his lawn and gardens to their pristine condition.
He began to suffer from a condition that negatively affected his sciatic nerve in his left leg. I drove in to visit him not long thereafter. As I pulled into the driveway his neighbor of nearly 40 years waved at me and walked over to say hello. After pleasantries were exchanged he mentioned to me that Boom Boom had recently began walking backwards for a substantial portion of his mile plus journeys. He rightfully expressed concern about him falling due to some of the unevenness of the sidewalk.
Dad greeted me at the door. I went inside, unpacked, and grabbed some chow. Then I asked innocently around what Mr. Lambert had expressed to me. “What’s up with the new walk Dad?” “I’ve been walking the same way for a long time son. And, now, I’m facing a challenge. I decided to tackle this ailment head on. I need to find a solution.” “Good Dad, good. How is it going?” “It’s too soon to tell.” But, he said, “if you don’t challenge life, you won’t change how you live it.”
That afternoon, he put on his “walking” shoes, put on the dog’s leash, and was headed to the front door. He asked if I wanted to join him for walk. “Sure,” I said. ‘Backwards,’ I wondered?
Much later in life I learned that in China older folks make walking backwards a daily habit for multiple health reasons including the relief of leg and joint pain.
Whether you walk forward or backwards I suppose that if you don’t challenge life, you won’t change how you live it.
We continue today exploring the meaning of phrases that we use in everyday life. A couple of weeks ago we confirmed that it was better to butter someone up than to eat humble pie. We do our best below to give you another hair-raising experience.
When one gives maximum effort, whatever the endeavor, it is always appreciated. If you do your best you may succeed, or you may not. But, its hard to find fault with someone who gives it their all, or one who “goes the whole nine yards.” But, did you know that going the whole nine yards is a term derived from World War II, nearly 80 years ago?
Meaning: To try one’s best History: World War II Fighter pilots received a 9-yard chain of ammunition. Therefore, when a pilot used all of his ammunition on one target, he gave it “the whole 9 yards.”
Those of us of the male persuasion have tried our best to be patient waiting for our significant other to put the finishing touches on their makeup, dress, and hair. Sometimes it takes a bit longer than desired. But, that is no time to relax. In fact, it’s the exact opposite of that. It’s no time to “let your hair down!” That’s a phrase that is actually centuries old.
Meaning: To relax or be at ease History: Parisian nobles risked condemnation from their peers if they appeared in public without an elaborate hairdo. Some of the more intricate styles required hours of work, so of course it was a relaxing ritual for these aristocrats to come home at the end of a long day and let their hair down.
You actually might feel centuries old as well by the time your better half is finally happy with how her hair looks for an evening out. But, we have a few words for the wise men. Since she has gone the whole nine yards working on it an immediate compliment is highly recommended.
Boom! Abby lit up Vegas last week like fireworks on the 4th of July. One bet (Indiana -2) pushed while the four others that had bones wagered went off like roman candles. Her hunch bet popped yet again as well. Last Saturday night the sky was quite bright.
For the season Abby’s bark is piercing. Her won/loss bets are 17-15-1. Her perfect week of 10 of 10 bones buried puts the important count at 47 of 83, or 57%. The hunch bet stands at six fine wins v. only one loss.
Week 12 is here. It’s a week that has several top teams playing out of conference creme puffs. It’s a week that she has sniffed longingly and turned her nose up at most matchups. The pickings are slim. Madame Roux’s choices follow.
Syracuse +10 v. Notre Dame -Abby has been long on the Orangemen all year. It’s paid. She hopes that this is not one time too many going to the same well. The game is in Yankee Stadium and the snow will be piled high by Saturday. ND wins a thriller. The Orangemen play well for 58 minutes. One bone.
Wisconsin +4.5 at Purdue – Abby has been long all year on the Badgers. It hasn’t paid. She hopes that going to the well too often finally pays off. Purdue is a good Big 10 team that somehow just got worked by Minnesota 41-10. Maybe they have the ugly, week ago, Kentucky like letdown? Three bones.
Stanford -2 at California – Yearly this is called The Big Game. How original is that? There isn’t anything too big about it this year. Cardinal pride gets it done, though Cali is tough at home. Two bones.
Michigan St. -1 at Nebraska -The Cornhuskers are scoring a lot and playing better of late. The Spartans aren’t scoring a lot and aren’t playing better of late. Did Abby ever tell you that she likes to zig when others zag? Two bones.
Wake Forest+13 1/2 over Pittsburgh and Oklahoma St. plus 11 1/2 over West Virginia – Abby is buying 7 points for each home dog for a two team parlay that pays even bones. Pittsburgh has the ACC championship game well within its sights and might be looking a tad ahead. West Virginia has the Big 12 championship game well within its sights and might be looking a tad ahead. Two bones.
On a hunch take under 46.5 points when Iowa St. squares off in Austin v. Texas. The line seems way low. It seems so low that we think Vegas is trying to get some of Abby’s bones back. They’ll need to dig deeper.
No. 16 Iowa St. v no. 15 Texas aside, the marquee matchups this weekend are few and far between. Take for example USC v UCLA, please. USC and UCLA have 13 losses this season between them. It is the most combined losses ever in this 88 years old rivalry.
Often overlooked UCF hosts College Gameday’s broadcast this week. Looking at the available alternatives one can see why.
Abby has spent the last five days licking her wounds from last Saturday. She also has barked incessantly about two half point bad beats that could have flipped the juice in her favor and sent her to the pay window. But, bottom line, as Jim Mora once infamously ranted, “we couldn’t do diddly poo!”
Abby’s 3-5 win/loss week took her down to 13-15 against the spread this season. In the more important bones wagered she has still buried more than she has given, 37 of 73. And, she recommends that you start paying close attention to her hunch bets. Vegas is. Her hunch bet is now a gaudy 5 up and 1 down.
Out of the dog house and into the moola she goes. This week’s wagers are just below.
Indiana -2 v Maryland -The dumpster fire that is Terrapin football and the entire AD office takes flight to the heartland for an early kickoff. Anywhere is better for them than College Park, MD. Indiana at home is better than Indiana on the road. Two bones.
UCLA +13.5 at Arizona St. -Have the Sun Devils played well enough to be favored by two touchdowns against any PAC 12 team? The convincing win over Utah was quite nice, but……. Meanwhile, UCLA has lost two in a row while Ariz St. has won two in a row. Abby loves the spot. Two weeks ago, in the conference turned upside down, all dogs won straight up on Saturday. Abby expects more left coast madness. The Sun Devils should certainly win, but………. Three bones.
Tennessee +5.5 v Kentucky -Abby loves home dogs. Abby really loves home dogs playing a team that got pummeled by a Ga Bulldog a week ago.
Smokey loves the checkerboard endzone.
Does Kentucky get up off of the floor and play for 60 minutes? Or, did last week take the fight out of the Wildcats? Abby likes the team with the blue tick hound in this one. Three bones.
Ohio State -3.5 @ Michigan St -THE Ohio State U. is looking for a place to lie down it seems. However, THE has only one loss and is much maligned for their season to date performance. Expect this to be back and forth for 50 minutes but THE covers late. They are going to lose to a team from Michigan soon, but Abby thinks it’s not this week. Two bones.
Two SEC teams are big 13.5 point underdogs this week. The Auburn Tigers(+13.5) travel to Georgia while Arkansas(+13.5) host the bruised Tigers of LSU. Abby is buying seven points for Georgia to get the line down to -6.5. She is putting them in a two team tease with Arkansas bought up to +20.5 It’s essentially a parlay of sorts that pays even money. Combine Georgia -6.5 with Arkansas +20.5. Two bones.
Ole Miss and their high-powered pass offense whistle stops in College Station. On a hunch Abby is barking about under 66 and 1/2. She likes to zig when others zag you know. There must be something about A&M’s Reveille and whistles that makes this game an itch that Abby must scratch.
The college football regular season is growing short. Enjoy the games.
One of the many gifts that Boom Boom gave us was the torrent of quips about how one leads one’s life. He could say so much by saying so little. A statement at just the right moment resonated in my young, eager eardrums. How I interpreted or applied it was up to me. No more words were spoken because no more words were needed.
My intent is to simply drop them here from time to time for reflection in your life. Perhaps you can benefit as I have. Whether all of the quotes were originally his(the vast majority are), or if he was himself inspired by a few along the way isn’t relevant. The message is.
As my senior year in high school began I quickly realized that, regular classwork included, I had taken on a good bit of extracurricular work. I edited the school paper. Every six weeks we went to press. I was fortunate to be prez of our senior class as well. I had other interests too. Sometimes all of the responsibilities seemed to wash ashore at the same time.
One evening I whined a bit about what I perceived as too much going on. Boom Boom heard that complaint of mine one too many times. “If I want something done at work I give it to a busy person, son.” I walked across the hall. “That’s correct,” he said as he worked the adding machine like the proverbial plow horse. I looked perplexed I am sure. This didn’t sound logical. But, as I later learned, it is.
How often have you heard someone talk about how busy they are? My observation in the workplace is that productive people rarely complained about how much was on their plate. Busy people get things done. People who always tell you how busy they are aren’t really that productive. A big key to productivity is focusing on what is important now and prioritizing tasks each day.
Are you busy? Everyone is. Your work, your family, your friends, your sleep, your eating, and your exercising aren’t any different from any other’s need to achieve life/work balance. There are only 24 hours in everyone’s day every day. Make the most of them. Might I suggest more work and less talk about it? You will quickly feel a rewarding sense of accomplishment.
Last weekend’s games didn’t pan out too well for Abby. It wasn’t a complete washout like the top 25 teams that played did. More teams (11) ranked in the top 25 lost last week than any other since 1989, and four of them were idle. Abby wagered a meager 10 bones wary of the pre Halloween money goblins. She was able to bury only three of them. Her hunch bet paid again though.
Her season to date performance is 10 up and 10 down in the won/loss column, 31 of 57 bones in the more important money column, and a gaudy 4-1 on hunches. Week ten is here and as the calendar turns to November the CFB stakes are high. Abby’s research has her barking confidently about a few games below.
Tony the Landshark. Go figure.
South Carolina even at Mississippi -Ole Miss isn’t playing for anything as their past recruiting indiscretions leaves them bowl ineligible. South Carolina is trying to get to six wins eventually to become bowl eligible. Meanwhile, Ole Miss is trying to decide on a mascot. Tony the Landshark supplanted Rebel the Black Bear this year which had supplanted Colonel Reb who retired in 2003. Abby expects the Gamecocks to make just enough defensive stops. Two bones.
Iowa +3 at Purdue -The Boilermakers have had a great run. They crowning achievement was the beat down of THE. However, drinking too many Boilermakers post game left them hung over for Michigan St. and it showed. Abby expects a 60 minute dogfight. But in the end she thinks Iowa is the slightly better team. Two bones.
Arizona -3 v Colorado – Three weeks ago Colorado was undefeated. After Saturday night Abby thinks they’ll head back to the mountains panting at 5-4. Arizona isn’t that good of a team, and Abby wonders if Kevin Sumlin is much of a head coach. But we suspect the offense is ready to roll. One bone.
Penn St +10.5 at Michigan -The Wolverines are a very good team with a borderline great D. It’s in The Big House too. Abby wonders if Vegas is over playing this resurgence a bit. The line seems a bit high. Abby likes treats. One Bone.
Texas -2 v West Virginia -The Longhorns found out that being ranked sixth and actually performing like the sixth best team in the country have nothing in common. Okie St. dropped 60 minutes of reality on them. We think that they might be smarting from spending the week reading about how go they are (were). WVa is much better at home than on the road. Two bones.
Northwestern +9.5 v Notre Dame -Northwestern has won 12 of their last 13 BIG 10 contests. Impressive. Yet in week three they lost to Akron. Jeez. They won’t win this one, but Abby likes the points to cover. Two bones.
Florida -6 v Missouri – Missouri forgot to play the fourth quarter v Kentucky last week, losing 15-14 after leading 14-3 in Columbia entering the fourth quarter. They travel to Gainesville to face a Florida team that Georgia smacked around. Abby thinks that an angry Gator that bares his teeth is nothing to sniff at. It might get ugly. Chomp. Chomp. Three bones.
Georgia -8.5 at Kentucky – This line started at minus 12 and has been bet down three and a half points in four days. Abby likes to zig when others zag. Kentucky has played well all year and rallied hard at the wire to beat Mizzou as detailed above. The Wildcat’s D is legit having surrendered only 10.5 points on average in six SEC slugfests. This game likely determines the East in the SEC. Georgia just has too much firepower and covers in the fourth quarter. Three bones.
On a hunch take under 54 in Baton Rouge. LSU v Bama has been a defensive fist fight for the last several years. Since 2001 they have combined to go over 54 just twice. Tua Heisman might change that, but if LSU is going to stay close they won’t do it by outscoring Bama.
There you are. Abby puts a season high 16 bones on the table spread over eight games. Being the unbiased, impartial, doggone good journalist that she is, she won’t end this post by howling GEAUX TIGERS!
In the spring of 1983 I was 23 years old, one year out of college, clean-shaven after my bearded line up episode, and one year into the work world. I knew so much. I knew so little. The south Louisiana outside sales territory that I gleefully covered was growing nicely. Selling Duracell batteries to 23 different classes of trade offered a great work education, modest money(though it seemed like a lot then), and a bit of freedom and fun. Some days beckoned to bring more freedom and fun than others.
On a particularly sunny Friday I decided that a half day of work and a half day of play was just what was needed to begin my decadent slide into the weekend. But, as I went from one sales call to the next in the early AM one hour outside of New Orleans, I wondered what the half day play part of the equation should be.
Around the near turn they go at the old Fair Grounds.
I stopped to get a newspaper and a soda. As I read the sports page the proverbial light bulb turned on. My favorite over raced racehorse was running in the second race at the oldest race track in America, the New Orleans Fair Grounds. Post time for race one was 1:15.
As thoughts of beers, cigars, horses, and gambling swirled through my head I knew that I needed an accomplice to share the winnings, swill, and smoke. Hmm. The pay phone swallowed my dime and the call went out. On the other side of the line was one Joseph Roy Miller, aka Joey, aka Jojo. Joey and I were high school buddies prior, four-year college roommates then, and are best friends to this day.
Ring. Ring. Joey was finishing his studies at University of New Orleans at that point. After school he worked at a laboratory to pay for it as well. “JoJo, Dump Truck is running in the second race today. He’s always in the money. I’ll pick you up in front of the Life Sciences building in an hour.” “No, No!” said JoJo. “I’ve got a Microbiology class at noon and have to work after that.”
Anyone in sales knows that “no” means “yes.” “I’ll pick you up by 12:30 latest,” I said as I hung up the phone before he could respond. There were but two problems with this. And, they soon reared their ugly heads. The first was that my last appointment of the morning, day, and week wanted to talk too much and buy too little. I was now late. The second problem is that I had no way of alerting Joseph of the tardiness. Cell phones, like Al Gore’s internet, were not yet invented.
The company car, a beauty of an olive-green Chevy Malibu, rolled onto campus. There stood furious Joey. “Get in, we are going to be late,” I offered in a self depreciating attempt to defuse the fuse. He said a few PG-13 or worse things back to me. It sounded like he didn’t appreciate standing there while missing class and also calling in sick for work, only for me to be 30 minutes late.
I attempted to shift the conversation to the ponies and the day. “I’ll get the parking, the programs, the tip sheets, and the first cold Dixie beers.” “Big deal,” he smashed back. “We are going to miss the second race too.” “We’ll still make it,” I confidently responded. The Malibu may have run through a few orange (somewhere between yellow and red) lights getting there. Once parked we race-walked to the bowels of the grandstand. He was still filling my ear with hatred. The more he howled the more I laughed. “Two programs please.” “Ah, Dump Truck is the five horse today.”
With the first race long gone, we heard the track announcer loud and clear as we stepped through the turnstile. “The horses have reached the starting gate.” Jeez. This is a last call of sorts for placing bets. One quick glance at the lines and we knew getting down on Dump Truck would be dicey. I jumped in one line, and he in the very next. I got to the window and wagered a huge, for then, $10/10/10 win, place and show bet on the 5 horse. “They’re all in line.” That means “and they’re off” is soon to follow. Joseph got his w/p/s bet ticket a scant few seconds before the ring, signaling the gate opening, echoed across the grounds.
We hustled outside and joined the rail birds track side. It was a dollar to gain entry to stand. It was two bucks to sit in the outdoor grandstand. It was a steep three dollars to sit inside. We stood.
The race announcer chirped about the horse’s positions as they roared past us at the start. Nary a mention of the old and over worked Dump Truck was heard. We saw the five on the jockey’s silks trailing the field. The race is long we said. He’ll make up ground we assured each other. He continued to languish in dead last at each quarter pole.
As they turned for home on the longest stretch run in America the five horse was saving so much ground we couldn’t even see him. The announcer clearly had given up on him too. Still no mention of the old boy. “And down the stretch they come,” he bellowed. And there suddenly, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, was the five climbing past his competition one by one. “A sixteenth of a mile to go.” We were hopeful. The five blew past the second place horse as it cruised by us and hit the wire. “WINNER, the five.”
As we waited for the tote board to make it official we high-fived in joy. We also wondered aloud how he came from nowhere, won the race, and yet we never heard his name. It was weird, fun, and soon to be financially rewarding we hoped.
“The results of the third race are official. The winner is the five horse, Royal Flush.” Royal Flush pays $12 to win(on a two dollar bet).” Royal Flush? Royal Flush??? We looked at each other and pulled the bet tickets from our pockets.
And there it was. We had missed the second race. We had raced in to bet what we thought was the second race. It was, however, the third race that we had blindly bet on. We won. We won over $120 each! Huge! We bet the five horse in the third race and had no idea about his chances. Dump Truck had gone off in the second. Dump Truck was hosed down and back in the barn eating some hay 20 minutes before we bounced blindly to the betting booth.
“As we cashed our tickets laughing out loud before LOL was even LOL, we went over to the board where the previous race finishes were posted. And, there it was. Dump Truck finished a distant fourth, and out of the money, in the second race. I mentioned to Joey it was obviously better to be late than never. He mentioned to me that my arm was going to hurt after he punched me. “Want another Dixie, Joey?” Cigars never tasted nor smelled better than they did on that afternoon.
What’s the moral of the story? Easy. It’s better to be lucky later than good never. And, it’s fun to have great memories with a great friend.
Shorty sat on the shorter of the two “halves” of the 55 gallon drum. Imagine that. Each were cut down to size and retrofitted with a soft cushion top. Lefty looked confused.
Shorty- Tiger has been paying since Thanksgiving 2005 when his ex-wife swung that nine iron through his back window and he crashed into the tree.
Some of the more intricate styles required hours of work, so of course it was a relaxing ritual for these aristocrats to come home at the end of a long day and let their hair down.
