Whining about Reclining

As the dog days of summer bark well into the still bright evenings, the “where culture meets sports” press is always looking for something to heat up their clicks, views, page visits, and readership.   Apparently, forty eight hours ago the Louisiana State University’s football operations remodel unveil gave them all of the  Kibble’s and Bits that they needed.  And, the feeding frenzy is on.

If you haven’t seen any photos or video hype pieces of the new digs you must have stepped out of the social media sun and missed the shade that has been thrown at it.   No less than ESPN, CNN, SI, Busted Coverage, and The Big Lead have weighed in.  That is in addition to the numerous local tv channels near Baton Rouge and far.  Here is a two minute video that captures the hype and some of the opinions of it if you haven’t seen it.

Is the locker room itself new, innovative, opulent, decadent, and a bit over the top?  Yes.  Is it more opulent, decadent, and over the top than numerous other Power 5 schools’ locker rooms?  No, it’s just the latest.  Take a look at Oregon, Alabama, Texas A&M, Clemson, and Georgia to name just a few.  This LSU upgrade is just the latest to stir up the discontent and misunderstanding across America and the academia world of how all of this works.

Lots of the conversation has immediately centered on 1) our library flooded and it needs an upgrade, and 2) our professors need a raise, and 3) what about our  math building, or chemistry building, or, and 4) they do all this, why can’t they pay the players, and 5) kneel down Eric Reid, former LSU and NFL player, lamenting that the money donated could have gone to scholarships to need based kids.

What it hasn’t centered on is that the remodel also includes a big nutrition center for the players and is open to ALL students as well.  It features fresh food and  caters to specific dietary needs of all who want to participate.  It also redid the coaches offices.  If you are going to work 70 hours a week, why not have some creature comforts?  Or, you can just focus on reclining locker seats that look like first class airline modules and shake your head.

This project was 100% funded by private donations through the Tiger Athletic Foundation(TAF).  It’s private money, therefore it’s individuals who choose what to support.  A few years back the business school was funded in the exact same way.  The LSU sports programs collectively fund themselves and have GIVEN back to the university over 12 million dollars a year for the last five years.   Football on this and almost every campus is the moneymaker that funds other sports and still can provide the giveback.

Paying the players versus building new offices, nutrition centers, and locker rooms have little to do with one another.  If America wants colleges to play the players its a decision that is independent of how they eat and where they get dressed.  If you side on the paying them side, then you should side on the “in the meantime at least we can make their lives better with these alternatives.”  However, if you believe in paying, good luck with the “how.”  Title IX changed the college sports landscape forever.  But we digress.

One LSU professor tweeted that he saw all of this while sitting in his dirty office that he had to buy a Dirt Devil to clean himself.  LSU quarterback Joe Burrow, not short on moxie, tweeted back.  He asked why this professor thought he was entitled to the fruits of the team’s labor?  The tweet is deleted, but the screen shot lives on in infamy.  It looks like Joe thinks capitalism is alive and well.  If the professor feels like he deserves a cleaner office, he should get one at LSU or he should move on to, say, Harvard.  If he feels like he should be paid more, perhaps he should consider coaching football.

Tyrann Mathieu, who donated one cool million, commented on Eric Reid’s thought.  The Honey Badger told Reid that he should give all that he wanted to for scholarships.  Oh, and Tyrann also let him know that he had done that in addition to the TAF donation.  It’s your serve Eric.   Stop protesting and get up off of your knees and dust off that checkbook, er, Venmo account.  Your pal said that it’s time to pay, pal.

All of this, unlike the hot summer sun, will burn for only about 24 more news hours.  But, before you know it fall will arrive.  It always does.  And when it does 100,000 football starved fans will pay big money to fill Tiger Stadium and stadiums across the land to get their annual football fix.

But, if you want to fix what’s wrong with college today, please do.  Nice (ok, opulent) locker rooms aren’t part of the problem. They are actually part of the solution.

 

 

 

 

 

Stoppage Time

Everyone is famous for 15 minutes.  Megan Rapinoe has been famous for a few weeks now.  We know, if you are a fan of women’s soccer, she has been famous for a lot longer.  And, now her fame extends beyond the pitch where the USWNT (United States Women’s National Team) won every match on their way to another World Cup championship.

On the field her abilities are indeed world (cup) class.  She won her one on one’s, dribbled well, passed even better, and scored from every angle.  She even knocked in a penalty kick or two.

As she left the field Sunday she stepped on an American Flag on her way to a guest appearance on Good Morning America, Anderson Cooper’s CNN show, and a parade down Broadway in New York, New York.   The honorable Mayor of New York, New York Bill De Blasio sat to her right as she spent a few minutes at the parade’s end to address those who attended.

In a nutshell, we paraphrase, she said in all of these moments, 1) that she and all of her teammates that “she has spoken to” won’t accept an invite to the effing White House, and 2)  why would they allow Trump to use the platform that they have built to put them on display, and 3) she would go talk to people in DC that had views like hers, and 4) we need to listen more and talk less,  and 5) equal pay for equal play, and 6) this World Cup win is so much more than what was on the field. It seems like one of those sort of iconic turning points in history, to be honest, and 7) no she’s not running for the White House, she’s too busy.

We hear her outrage in her words.  We see her outrage in her actions, like when she kneels for the national anthem.  And, we wonder.  We wonder if she is misguided or not.  We wonder if she is actually leading or following.  And, that makes us wonder if she is anything more than the next Colin Kaepernick.

If so, that would be unfortunate.  Because, if she took a step back, she would realize that all of that which she has been able to accomplish comes from the freedoms that her country affords.   Why not go visit with our President if you really want to effect your view of what should change?  What an unbelievable opportunity.   Talking to people who agree with you only makes you feel good about your views.  Change comes from open debate.

Why not use the “platform that you built” to get this access to the President?  Many millions clamor for such a chance.  Oh, and the platform wasn’t built just by you.  It was built by many who came before as well.  You and your teammates were plenty talented enough to walk through the door.   Take advantage.

Why not run for the White House?  Everyone else who has been famous for 15 minutes is.  You have a better shot than the mayor who sat next to you.  Oh, and did he tell you that drinking champagne in a moving vehicle is a violation in NYC?  Did he ban Big Gulps during the ride?  Well, at least you did not use a plastic straw.

And, most of all, it’s not one of those iconic turning points in history to be honest.  It’s not even close.  You have the opportunity to make it an important moment perhaps.  But to do so you need to listen more and talk less now.  Like nike, can you just do it?

If not, your flag step and Kaepernick’s dismay at Betsy Ross’ flag get dismissed by Americans who listen to disrupters like you and wish you would say more while talking less.

Everyone is famous for 15 minutes.  Including extra time you’ve been famous for more.  But, the bright lights are already flickering.  And, the roots are showing in your pink dyed hair.  Good luck.

 

 

62 Down, 100 to Go, and 30 Nets to Put Up?

It’s cool inside of Oracle Arena, home of the Golden State Warriors.  But, it will heat up tonight during the NBA Finals game three v. the Toronto Raptors as one team looks to take control of the one game apiece, tied series.  It’s cold inside of the TD Garden, home of the Boston Bruins.  But, it will heat up tonight during  the NHL Finals game five v. the St Louis Blues as one team looks to take control of the two games apiece, tied series.

Meanwhile, it’s either cool inside of a few indoor MLB stadiums, or hot as Hades outside in many outdoor MLB stadiums as the baseball season heads head long into the dog days of summer.  Most teams are about 62 games deep into a 162 game schedule.  If you sweat a lot, you’re thinking, “cool, just 100 hot ones to go.”

But something has heated up in the last week in baseball stadiums coast to coast, and it isn’t just the weather.  It’s a debate as to whether or not stadiums coast to coast need to add protective netting beyond the current span of 70 or so feet of the first and third base lines as each team is currently mandated to do so by MLB.

What caused this sudden, additional call for fan safety?  It was a screaming line drive foul ball hit just last week in Minute Maid Park, home of the Houston Astros, during their game versus the Chicago Cubs.  The foul ball struck a little girl at the game.  Hard.  The events at last night’s game were extremely upsetting,” MLB said in a statement.

“Events?”  It was one event and we wouldn’t call it an event.  We might call it an unfortunate incident.  We might call it an accident.  Heaven forbid, if she died from the “event” we might call it a tragedy.

The girl, who has not been identified, was hit by a ball off the bat of Cubs center fielder Albert Almora Jr. during Chicago’s game with the Astros.  At Wednesday’s game, Almora Jr. was visibly distraught after he hit the ball foul, falling to his knees at home plate in pure anguish.

“We send our best wishes to the child and family involved,” the MLB statement said.  That sounds so heartfelt, doesn’t it?  You need to say something nice, but legally it stops there.  Speaking of there, it’s plainly written right there, on the back of every single ticket,  that MLB assumes no liability for injuries to fans attending.   It further states that it’s the fans responsibility to stay very alert for balls leaving the field of play.

This “event” got a bit more attention than the normal “event” of a fan getting hit by a foul ball.  It was a cute (can you still say that?) little girl injured, and it was a very sympathetic Almora who broke down emotionally in front of a national TV audience while inquiring about the girl’s well being.

“Clubs have significantly expanded netting and their inventory of protected seats in recent years. With last night’s event in mind, we will continue our efforts on this important issue,” the league said in its statement.  All clubs complied with the above 70 foot mandate by 2018.

So, where do safety needs/nets end?  Where do legal needs end?  And, where does common sense begin?  And, when did we realize that foul balls can hurt (and in rare instances kill) if you don’t somehow protect yourself?  Who knows where all of the answers to these questions connect into one sensible one?  Recency bias aside please.

Smoking went from ok, to designated areas, to arrest for smoking in non designated areas, to no designated areas.  Good idea?  For sure.   Drinking went from as many as you want, to limit of two per customer per transaction, to no alcohol served after the seventh inning.  Good idea?  Mostly.

Nets went from none, to directly behind home plate, to down first and third.  Do you need them around the entire field?  Do you need taller walls around the base of each level of stands to stop people from falling down to the next level?  National sentiment is that the more big brother can help us the better.

In short, where do you stop helping people who should be able to help themselves?  And, ask them to help themselves?

We like a clear view of the game in front of us.  If you cannot protect yourself and your loved ones we suggest that you sit where Bob Uecker used to.  Just be careful not to sit close to the “front row” and fall to the next one.

Uecker could see just fine from way up there.   “Hey, he missed the tag.  He missed the tag.”  Of course there was no net back then.

 

 

The Student Schools the Teacher.

SiriusXM got serious Friday.  It joined the list of media outlets that demand freedom of the press and the right to free speech as long as they agree with it.  Free speech is good until it might offend the listenership.  Then its orator gets in trouble.  And, with the backlash growing against old Hank Haney, SiriusXM suspended him from his golf talk show.

You remember old white Hank don’t you?

When Haney’s co-host, Steve Johnson, asked him earlier last week about the 74th LPGA Women’s Open Championship that played out this weekend, Haney joked that he was going to predict that a Korean would win.  And, he added that he couldn’t name six players on the LPGA Tour, except for those with the last name Lee.

“I’m gonna predict a Korean,” Haney said.

“That’s a pretty safe bet,” Johnson replied.

“That’s gonna be my prediction. I couldn’t name you, like, six players on the LPGA Tour,” Haney continued.

“Yeah,” Johnson said.

“Nah, maybe I could,” Haney said. “Well, I’d go with Lee. If I didn’t have to name a first name, I’d get a bunch of them right. I don’t know. … Lexi Thompson. Michelle Wie’s hurt. I don’t know that many.”

The criticism came quickly and from a few notable folks like LPGA player Michelle Wie and USA Today writer Christine Brennan.  Hank was a racist they cried.   Old Hank was sexist they cried.

Later that day noted sensitive feminist Tiger Woods remarked about his old teacher/coach.  “He deserved it(the suspension),” Woods said Friday following his second round in the Memorial at Muirfield Village. “Just can’t look at life like that.”

Clearly Tiger has learned much from his therapy for sexual addiction after his well documented trysts with a dozen or so women.  We can all learn from a man who learned that having women stashed in hotel rooms under false names in out of town towns for his beck and call was bad behavior.  This went down while his wife was at home tending to their two young ones. Heck, it was sexist too.  But, not racist.  Tiger didn’t discriminate when it came to the ladies.  He so loved them all.

Friday Christine Brennan stated that every country club in America should ban Haney for his gross insensitivity.  We don’t recall her calling for the same ban on Tiger.

And, there she was yesterday evening holding up the trophy.  It was one Jeongeun Lee6.  The number six at the end of her name isn’t a typo.  It’s there at her request.  The explanation is simple.  When Lee first arrived on the Korean LPGA  a couple of years ago, she found five other Lees named Jeongeun already on tour.  So, she added the “6” to differentiate herself from the rest.

Old Hank told you so in his own stumbling words last week.  He was right.  Lee.  Six.   And old Hank doubled down last evening.  “My prediction that a Korean woman would be atop the leaderboard at the Women’s US Open was based on statistics and facts. Korean women are absolutely dominating the LPGA Tour. If you asked me again my answer would be the same but worded more carefully.”  So read his tweet last evening.

But old Hank needs to spell more carefully, too.  His next and congratulatory tweet was, “Congratulations to Jeougean Lee6 on your great win at the US Women’s Open. Who’s The Great Predictor now Steve Johnson @steveyrayj I knew a Lee would win.”  He got the Lee6 right, but he misspelled Jeougeun.  His punctuation is a bit wanting as well, truth be told.

Jeongeun Lee6’s Korean fan club is called the “Lucky Six.”   Tiger’s traveling fan club was the “Lucky Dozen.”  If old Hank gets lucky, serious SiriusXM might reinstate him.

If so, the teacher will get a second chance.  Everyone deserves a second chance, don’t they?  Ask the student.  Isn’t that right, Tiger?

 

 

Swing and a Miss

You know old Hank Haney, don’t you?  Sixty-three year old PGA teaching professional Hank Haney worked with Tiger Woods for a few years about a decade ago along with other PGA professionals.  He parlayed that experience into a golf reality show that lasted five years.  Each season one chosen celebrity would be the one that Haney would try to improve their golf game.

In 2008, Haney started working with former NBA star and current NBA analyst Charles Barkley on the Golf Channel’s The Haney Project: Charles Barkley, in an attempt to fix Barkley’s infamously bad swing. Haney’s show continued in 2010, this time with comedian Ray Romano. The third season, in 2011, featured talk radio host Rush Limbaugh. Series 4 (2012) featured a four-player shootout in Mario Batali, Adam Levine, Sugar Ray Leonard, and Angie Everhart.   Series 5, in 2013, featured all-time winner of the most Olympic medals, Michael Phelps.

Old Hank would cringe on camera every time Sir Charles stopped midway through his swing, then shank the ball in any and every possible direction.

Well, yesterday, several people cringed when old Hank weighed in on this week’s U.S. Women’s Open on his SiriusXM radio show.

When Haney’s co-host, Steve Johnson, asked him about the 74th Open being played this week, Haney joked that he was going to predict that a Korean would win.  And, he added that he couldn’t name six players on the LPGA Tour, except for those with the last name Lee.

“I’m gonna predict a Korean,” Haney said.

“That’s a pretty safe bet,” Johnson replied.

“That’s gonna be my prediction. I couldn’t name you, like, six players on the LPGA Tour,” Haney continued.

“Yeah,” Johnson said.

“Nah, maybe I could,” Haney said. “Well, I’d go with Lee. If I didn’t have to name a first name, I’d get a bunch of them right. I don’t know. … Lexi Thompson. Michelle Wie’s hurt. I don’t know that many.”

Haney’s comments were quickly criticized on social media, the platform of self expression of the new, kinder, more sensitive generation.  And Wie was one of them.

As a Korean American female golfer, these comments that @HankHaney made disappoint and anger me on so many different levels. Racism and sexism are no laughing matter Hank….shame on you. I don’t ever do this, but this must be called out. https://t.co/P18JByTosN

— Michelle Wie (@themichellewie) May 29, 2019

Old Hank took to the same Twitter outlet to get out his apology.  “This morning, I made some comments about women’s golf and its players that were insensitive, and that I regret,” Haney wrote. “In an effort to make a point about the overwhelming success of Korean players on the tour, I offended people and I am sorry.

Racism?  Sure.  Old white Hank predicted a Korean would win.  Old white Hank knows better we think.  You can’t say the obvious.  Koreans currently hold down the 1,4,6,8,12,13, and 15th places year to date on the LPGA money standings.  You can’t say the obvious.  He said he couldn’t name six players on the tour.  Neither can anyone else.  No one watches it in person.  No one watches it on TV either.

So Hank Haney said “I’m sorry.”  He offended people and was insensitive towards women.   Maybe he could make a run for the White House in 2020.  Joe Biden realized the error of his previous ways and said he was sorry to have been insensitive towards women as well.  He said he stands behind women now.  Wait, that still doesn’t sound right.

Regardless, old Hank’s apology stated that he actually had intended to “make a point about the overwhelming success of Korean players.”  No he didn’t.  He intended to make a joke about a tour that is viewed (but not seen) as a joke.

Wie said that she “as a Korean American female golfer” was disappointed and angry.  Couldn’t she just be a golfer or an American that was angry?  Or, an American tour player that was angry?  Nope.  It’s important today to tell everyone where you are originally from and how many obstacles you had to and have to overcome.  Wie claimed that the remarks were sexist too.  We wonder about that.  He was asked to comment on the LPGA tour.  Like what he said or not, he did just that.  If a female reporter comments on the PGA tour, are her remarks automatically sexist?

Christine Brennan, who writes for the USA Today, broadened the scope of the crime to include an accusation of xenophobia and wrote, “If there’s any golf club in the country (let’s make it the world) that allows Haney to set foot on its property after that despicable exchange, that club is telling every girl and woman and person of color to go play any one of the dozens of other sports they can play for life, not golf.”

This went from Koreans under attack to all countries.  This went from women to girls.  And, this went from one race to any person of color.   We wonder if Tiger Woods or Charles Barkley or Sugar Ray Leonard think old white Hank is prejudiced.  Did Angie Everhart think he was sexist?  Maybe they do.  And, maybe he is.  But, can we tap on the brakes just a bit?

Christine, a ton of golf clubs that you want old Hank to be banned from have members that can’t name six LPGA golfers either.   But, when they flip through the channels in the men’s locker room looking for the men’s tour broadcast of the week, they ever so briefly pause on the leader board of the LPGA event in their search.  On it they see the Korean flag, among others, up and down the first page.  It’s not bad.  It’s just bad the way old white male Hank made light of it.

Michelle Wie cried “wie, wie, wie,” all the way home.  It’s certainly her right.  But, did anybody hear her?

The problem for Christine Brennan and her diatribe is that no one reads the failing USA Today anymore.  Do you?  The problem for the LPGA tour is that no one watches the LPGA Tour anymore.  Do you?

Tap the brakes people.

 

 

 

The Buccaneers Are Leaking Oil

The answer is, “a small gift given to a customer by a merchant at the time of a purchase.  Something given or obtained gratuitously or by way of good measure. Used as a sentence, “The waiter added a serving of bread pudding as a lagniappe to the meal.”  The question is, “what is lagniappe?”  Forgive us, for we seem to have gotten caught up in the Jeopardy game, with all of the hype surrounding it these days, as James Holthauer closes in on the all time money winning record.

Our small gift, given to you today could have been given to you yesterday as lagniappe nugget number 11.  But, like great bread pudding, we wanted to cook it low and slow to insure that all of the butter and rum sauce would be soaked in, and there for the taking today.  And it is.

What is it?  It’s the story of the Tampa Bay(TB) Buccaneers and the British Petroleum(BP) oil spill in 2010, of course.  Of course?  Well, not really “of course,” but perhaps “par for the course” as to how the franchise is led.  The Bucs filed a $19.5 million claim for in economic damages from the Deepwater Horizon Settlement Program, but the suit raised a red flag with the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fifth District. The appellate court denied the claim last week. No word on if the red flag looked as obvious to the court as the one with the skull on it that TB flies.  No word on if the skull shows how brain dead this franchise really is either.

Perhaps the frivolous claim was a salary cap issue?  If the TB Buccaneers had won their Deepwater Horizon settlement program claim, they would have received close to enough money to cover quarterback Jameis Winston’s 2019 salary of $20 million.  Surely two wrong ideas, in this instance, could make a right?

Why would the Bucs, valued near 2 billion bucks, make any claim of damages for a spill that occurred more than 300 miles from TB, let alone a claim of $19.5 million?    The court’s eight-page (it took that many pages?) decision stated the spill didn’t hurt the inept franchise’s performance more than they have hurt themselves. It pointed to the team’s record of 10-6 after the spill in 2010.  This record was achieved just a year after finishing 3-13, proving that even during catastrophic ecological events a blind squirrel can still find a nut.

“The Bucs have not had a 10-win season since,” the decision stated.  Yes, it really did allude to how much oil this franchise annually leaks on its own.  Pure comedic gold was achieved in one simple sentence within the eight long pages.  Great jokes are rooted in honesty.

The courts set up the settlement program in such a way that companies did not have to show a direct connection between the spill and financial loss. And why not?  Over 100,000 businesses throughout the Gulf region filed claims. Some actually were damaged.   Many were prompted by law firms who encouraged companies to stake a claim.  And why not?  If everyone is getting theirs, you might as well get yours.  The team based its claim on the formula spelled out in the settlement agreement BP crafted with the courts. The formula is based on whether a claimant’s financial condition worsened after the spill.

BP agreed to the procedure to avoid litigation in countless trials.  BP clearly was worried that it’s leaking oil defense was as leaky as the Buccaneers’ defense is on a yearly basis.

Claimants had to show a post-spill revenue slowdown of 15 percent or greater during a three-month period between May and July of 2010, and a revenue uptick of 10 percent during the same three months in 2011.  The court said the Bucs failed to substantiate the claim, but not necessarily the integrity of same.  We aren’t exactly sure what that means.   But, we can assure the courts that, by making the claim in the first place the Bucs have no integrity to begin with.

Tampa Bay has lost 97 games in the last ten years.  That’s very nearly an average of 10 losses per year.  The Hail Mary that their lawyers threw in court fell incomplete as well.

Tampa Bay lost in court, and in the court of public opinion.  Again.  The oil spill was a terrible mess.  So, too, are the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Pass the bread pudding please.

 

And, They’re Off!

Even if you never watch football, you still watch the Super Bowl.  Even if you never watch golf, you still watch The Masters.  And, even if you never watch horse racing, you still watch the Kentucky Derby.  Don’t you?

Yes, it’s the first Saturday in May which means it’s time for the “Run For the Roses” at Churchill Downs, Kentucky.  Why is it called the “Run For the Roses?”  That answer and other interesting facts about the Derby follow.

  1. The race’s founder, Meriwether Lewis Clark, the grandson of famous explorer William Clark, was first inspired to start the Kentucky Derby after a visit to Europe, where he attended the Earl of Derby’s Epsom Derby in England.  The first race was in 1875.

  2.  That makes the “most exciting two minutes in sports” race this Saturday the 145th run for instant stardom.  It has never been cancelled.  World Wars One and Two, The Great Depression, nor weather has ever intervened.
  3.  “Plain Ben” Jones holds the record for most wins as a trainer with six.  Bob Baffert, with five wins, has three horses going Saturday as he attempts to tie Jones.
  4. The race entrants are limited in a few ways.  You can only run in the race once as only three-year olds can enter.  The field is limited to the highest 20 qualifiers (and two alternates in case of scratches) since 1975 when a too crowded 23 thoroughbreds entered the starting gate.
  5.  Each owner shells out $50,600 to enter.  Derby entrants must be nominated to the Triple Crown, which costs $600 if done by the early deadline in late January, plus $25,000 to enter the Derby and finally $25,000 to start.
  6. The purse this year jumps by a fat $1 million dollars to $3 million.  The winner takes home $1.86 million.
  7. Only the winner of the Kentucky Derby can win the coveted Triple Crown (also winning the Preakness and the Belmont Stakes).  The first Triple Crown winner  was the 1919 champion Sir Barton.  Amazingly he hadn’t won a race before arriving at the Derby.
  8. Fillies can enter.  Three have won in the history of the race.  Regret in 1915, Genuine Risk in 1980, and Winning Colors in 1988 put their nose on the wire first.
  9. No horse has ever broken from the 17th starting gate and won.  Of course not every race has had 17 or more entrants either.  If you think the starting gate has great relevance, consider Improbable on Saturday at 6-1 odds.  Improbable improbably gets the fifth gate.  Gate 5 has seen the most (10) winners break from there.
  10.  The Derby is  called the “Run For the Roses” because the winner is draped in a blanket of approximately 400 sewn in red roses.  The blanket weighs about 40 pounds.  The race’s founder, M. Lewis Clark decided on the rose tradition after seeing them being handed out at a post race party over 125 years ago.

Post time is 5:50 PM Central Time.  Then, they’re off!

One Win and 17,000 Losses Makes Them Winners

Yesterday, the disappointing, no playoff Los Angeles Lakers lost team president Magic Johnson, as he abruptly resigned.  Meanwhile, the perennially disappointing New York Knicks won their 17th regular season game to insure that they won’t set a single season record for futility even if they lose tonight’s season ending game.  But, if you are really talking about losses and futility, look no further than the Washington Generals.

Also known as the Boston Shamrocks(1971–1972), New Jersey Reds(1971–1972), Baltimore Rockets(1971–1972), Atlantic City Seagulls(1971–1972), New York Nationals(1995–2006), International Elite(2011–2012),  Global Select(2011–2012) , and the World All-Stars (2013–2014), the Generals are the all time losers.  To give the illusion that the Globetrotters play different teams they changed names and uniforms to be the best foil that they can be.

Depending on which version of history you believe they have only won one, or three, or six games while losing over 17,000.  The Generals exist primarily as a part of the Harlem Globetrotters’ act, effectively being stooges for them. While the Globetrotters play tricks and spectacular displays of skill for the crowd, the Generals appear to attempt to play a “normal” game of basketball.

Below are ten fun facts (their history isn’t perfectly nor completely documented) about the multi decade traveling show.

  1.  The Washington Generals were named so to honor Dwight D. Eisenhower.
  2. The Generals would rarely, but occasionally, play teams other than the Globetrotters. They beat the Taiwanese national team and a low-level Red Army team along the way.
  3. The Globetrotters official website only recognizes one loss.  That loss came in Tennessee at Tennessee Martin in 1971.  Even the date of the loss is disputed as either January 5th or 25th.
  4. The loss was mostly the result of an incorrect scoreboard that showed the Globetrotters winning by four with three minutes to play.  Thinking they had the game in hand, the Trotters were mostly running out the clock.  When they realized that they were behind, the clock operator stopped the clock to allow them one final shot as they now trailed by one.  The Generals allowed Meadowlark Lemon to dribble straight to redemption, but he missed the final shot.
  5. Some say that a pregame dispute between the two caused the Generals to play to win that evening vs “play along.”  Neither team has ever spoken in support or denial of that accusation.
  6. There have been a scant few, but still a few players who were once Generals that became Trotters and vice versa.
  7. One of the few was Paul Sturgess who made the opposite transition. The former Globetrotter, after a few seasons playing for other teams, transferred back into the setup as part of the arranged opposition. The 7 ft 8 in. Sturgess adopts the persona of “Cager”, a masked adversary who adopts a villainous role.
  8.  The Generals were created in 1952 by their owner, GM, coach, and player Red Klotz.  Klotz played into his fifties.  They were a part of the staged act until 2015 when the Globetrotters decided to end their long, long relationship.   Fans actually objected to not seeing the Generals.
  9. So, in 2017, Herschend Family Entertainment, the owners of the Harlem Globetrotters, bought the Washington Generals from the Klotz family and revived them as an active team with Kenny Smith as general manager.  Yep, that Kenny Smith.
  10. The night of the lone recognized loss it’s reported that many children in the crowd cried in disbelief.  Meadowlark Lemon, ever the showman, was furious about the loss.  It wasn’t the game loss that concerned him in all likelihood.  It was the loss of a cornerstone of the brand.  The brand never lost.

One game tears aside, the Generals have won for a long time by losing to the beloved Globetrotters.  Creating a winning show that has prospered for 65 years is no easy task.  Ask the Knicks who are way, way off-Broadway, thankfully.  Or, ask Magic who couldn’t work his magic where he was once the lead actor in the hit play Showtime.

It’s One, Two, Three Strikes You’re All Out

As Democrats come to grips with the fact that the Russian Collusion was only a Russian Illusion, they can at least revel in the fact that the recent Michael Cohen testimony provided ample evidence that the tax evading, disgraced lawyer paid 130k on Donald Trump’s behalf to silence porn star Stormy Daniels.  Michael Avenatti, Stormy’s stand up lawyer, told us that all along.

Of course it looks like the brash lawyer Avenatti ran afoul of the law himself yesterday.  He was arrested for an “alleged” attempt to extort 20 million in loose change from nike saying he had the goods on them improperly paying and influencing amatuer basketball.  And he was going public with the info prior to their earnings announcement if they didn’t pay up.  The good lawyer also has a few tax non-payment problems like Cohen does to clear up.

Much like Trump did for months on end, Avenatti stood up and proclaimed his utter innocence yesterday on the steps of the jailhouse from which he was sprung after shelling out bail money.  Too bad the judge didn’t set the amount at 130k.   Karma is a witch you know, or something like that.

Also claiming his innocence yesterday was Robert Kraft. A not so small problem for him is that the police claim to have video of him in the act of paying for the act and in the act of the act. He pleaded not guilty to two misdemeanor counts of first degree solicitation for prostitution.  The prosecutor’s office offered a deal to avoid jail time, but Kraft wants a jury trial in an attempt to be fully exonerated.  There is no quit in Kraft.

Speaking of quitting and or avoiding jail time, Conor McGregor decided to stop kicking and hung up his mixed martial arts gloves Monday announcing his retirement.  This was just in the k(n)ick of time.  Why?  It turns out that Tuesday news broke that a women in Dublin, Ireland accused Conor of sexual assault in a high-end hotel that he frequents.  Conor, while not yet charged with this crime, has had a few run ins with the law.  No comment yet from his camp or Irish law enforcement.

There also has been no comment yet from the very recently engaged, perfect couple of Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez on the stormy allegation  ex Playmate Zoe Gregory dropped yesterday.  Zoe, a Londoner, accused the bloke of sexting her in the weeks just before A Rod popped the ultimate question to J Lo.  Apparently A Rod popped another kind of ultimate question to Zoe as well.  Oh, and he asked her repeatedly if she could bring a friend along for some of the fun too.  So intimate.  The more the merrier for the soon to be married man.

The more the merrier indeed.  Cohen helped Trump who helped Stormy who was helped by Avenatti.  If you are keeping score like we do in sports, that’s two “go directly to jail” lawyers, one Prez, and one porn star.  Kraft and Conor proclaim their innocence.  That’s an NFL owner and a kick boxer who owned his competition.  And then there is J Lo and ARod.  That’s a great singer and a great MLB player on and off of the diamond.   However, off of the diamond he may have struck out one more time.

WWTWT.  What would Tiger Woods Think?

David’s Goliath Falls to Goliath’s Zion

Two years of investigation have come and gone.  Countless subpoenas, several indictments, a few guilty pleas, a trial or two, and still many questions remain as a result.  Millions of dollars on legal fees and ten of thousands of FBI hours got us here.  No, we aren’t talking about the Mueller Investigation of possible Russian Collusion by President Trump and team in the 2016 election.

We were referring to the ongoing broad net that the FBI investigation cast at amateur basketball.  There is still unfinished business on that front as well.  Handlers, assistant coaches, and at least one head coach are still squarely in the crosshairs of the mess.

But, but, but.  But, yesterday, the UCF v Duke round of 32 NCAA basketball game gave us all a chance to get from college sports what college sports is supposed to offer to us.  No, no we aren’t thinking about a brown paper bag of cash.  We were thinking about great stories about great young players on good to great teams that fought each other like Democrats and Republicans.  The proverbial “they left it all on the court” statement comes to mind.

7’6″ Tacko Fall meets 5’6″ CBS reporter Tracy Wolfson

Duke, a three decade and counting Goliath, had all it could handle with the University of Central Florida playing the role of David.  David(UCF) has a Goliath of its own.  If you missed the game you missed a 7 foot 6 inch center named Tacko Fall.  Born in Senegal, he came to the United States as a teenager who was more interested in biochemistry than basketball.  At senior night a couple of weeks back Tacko saw his mother who flew over for the first time in seven years.  He can dunk a basketball without jumping.

Tacko fouled out attempting to stop a Zion Williamson last-ditch effort to will his no. 1 seeded team to victory over the ninth seeded Knights.  Zion will very likely be the first player selected in this summer’s 2019 NBA draft.  He’ll make many brown paper bags of cash soon.  Tacko, in today’s NBA world, has little chance at making a pro roster even though he is three inches taller than any current NBA player.

The plot of the game thickens when you realize that Johnny Dawkins, the now head coach at UCF, played for and starred for Duke in the 80’s.  After a very nice NBA career he went back to Duke and learned the finer points of coaching under, you guessed  it, Mike Krzyzewski.  Johnny’s son, Aubrey Dawkins transferred from Michigan to play for his dad.  And, yesterday, play for his dad he did.  And, he did it very well.  He scored 32 of UCF’s 76 total points.  He was the best player on the court at least for this one game.

In the end UCF lost after a passionate, thrilling, twist and turns ending by a slim one point 77-76.  How a last second tip in attempt stayed out was crazy.

Mike Krzyzewski felt like his team lost even though they won.  He felt like UCF won even though they lost.  He fought back tears and said as much in his post game interview that was filled with platitudes for his players, the opponent players, and his one time understudy, Johnny Dawkins.

Knight fans and Blue Devil fans stayed standing where they rarely sat after the game was long over.  There was disbelief if you wore black and gold, and relief if you wore blue and white.

UCF is done.  Duke advances.  NCAA basketball won and is not done.  It was a great forty March Madness minutes.