Zoom this!

Posted on April 30, 2020 by thependulumswings staff

The BBR staff is offsite today enjoying a rigorous, but fun, team-building exercise. We decided as a group that these difficult times no longer need to be so difficult. Today we reacquaint ourselves. Tomorrow we come together at work in our good old sanitized world headquarters office. Together. Not apart.

Therefore, today’s pearls of wisdom will be short. We have but a few thoughts and questions.

To those that are screaming that you can’t do anything until we can test everyone, are you going to test everyone every day? Otherwise, yesterday’s test isn’t worth the swab that went up your nose.

To those that are screaming that we can’t move until we have a vaccine, are you actually going to get the vaccine? What if one never comes?

To those that say it’s too soon, when is it not too soon?

When was it not a good idea that if you are sick to stay at home?

When was it not a good idea to cover your mouth when sneezing or coughing?

When was it not a good idea to wash your hands regularly?

Most of us would like to have been six feet or more away from most of our coworkers every day prior to this anyway.

If you’re going to a restaurant this weekend you can go to work Monday.

It’s our “new” new normal.

Pivot this!

And while you’re at it, Zoom this!

Together. Apart. Enough.

Posted on April 27, 2020April 27, 2020 by thependulumswings staff

Together. Apart. We are a family. We’ll get through this. Thinking of you during tough times. Together.

The emails started it. Now the tv commercials are overrun with it.

Today’s ad agencies sure do have a herd mentality. Because of that maybe some will fall victim to the thinning of the herd as the economy recovers. Queue the soft caring music while we deliver a soft and caring message.

Some of the below are real. Some you can imagine. We can’t imagine why some are real. Enough already.

REAL

Burger King

They have a real one. “Stay Home of the Whopper.” They are waving their delivery fees right now and they are giving a free Whopper to over 250,000 nurses. If a Burger King delivery van pulled up in front of your house would your neighbors still talk to you? And, can you use the words “health care” and “Whopper” in the same sentence with a straight face?

CARMAX

A forgettable car commercial is offering interest-free loans for up to 84 months. With interest rates nearly zero percent, what are they offering? Nothing. Also, you can have curbside pick up. Skip the test drive, we’ll be sure this car is running great for you. Can’t you close your eyes and picture Chevy Chase picking up the “family truckster” for the coast to coast Vacation?

Verizon

Verizon “wants you to know during these tough times that “we’re one phone call away.” Thank goodness. Can’t you hear it now? “During this COVID-19 crisis, Verizon is experiencing an unusually high volume of calls. Your expected wait time is 42 minutes. Or, if you prefer, please leave your number and a brief message and we’ll be sure to have someone never call you back.” Queue the terrible “on hold” music.

United Airlines

“Because we are all in this together.” Really? Two months ago when my luggage weighed 52 pounds I was on my own.

IMAGINED.

Weight Watchers.

Are you struggling with a few extra pounds from being housebound? We’ve been flattening curves for over 50 years. Special note-Tampa residents you can get your first week of meals free just like our schools do year-round.

NFL.

We believe in social distancing. In fact, our rules have insured social distancing by defensive players from our quarterbacks for years. Apart. Forever.

Nine Lives Cat Food

Time to take advantage of one? Enough said.

China

We are the manufacturer and supply chain leader to the world. What you need when you need it. And what you don’t need when you don’t want it, too. Together, unfortunately for us.

Camel (unfiltered).

Time to burn one? Why not?

Planters

Let our experience going nuts help you through yours.

Life Cereal

Do you even have to ask?

Charmin

We’ve missed you. Have you missed us?

Hallmark

We’ve been writing these syrupy hollow lines on cards for years. Thinking of you during these times.

Time for a Zoom meeting. Friday is only four short days from now.

E Learning Leads to E Commerce

Posted on April 23, 2020April 23, 2020 by thependulumswings staff

The BBR staff consumed adult beverages during a Zoom virtual happy hour last evening. While doing so it kicked around potential topics for this morning’s article.

One drink led to another. We had almost decided that it was time to lower the boom on Zoom. Our business section editor was going to wax eloquently about how there “are people who work, and there are people who get things done.” She was going to suggest that you get out of the virtual meeting place (isn’t it just a water cooler right in the middle of Al Gore’s internet anyway?) and spend some time strategizing, writing a to-do list, sending a handwritten note to your favorite customer, etc.

Then someone extolled the virtues of it and asked: ” yes, but where would our educational system be without it right now?” Everyone took a stab. “Good point.” “Hmm.” “Let me Google search ‘education news, Zoom, and success.'”

What popped up? Hillsborough County Florida popped up. Except it wasn’t about success. It was about excess. The county, ever concerned about nutritious meals for its “young uns” doles out “free lunches” for its students. Who knew that in home schooling didn’t also mean in-home meals? Drive your car to the drive-through location, wait in line, get handed a bag of food. It sounds a lot like McDonald’s, except for the ” drive to the first window please” for payment.

“We want to make sure that children actually get the nutrition they need to be successful during the e-learning process,” said Hillsborough Schools Superintendent Addison Davis.

“We had some individuals who made undesired behaviors last week, but we stand ready with new organizational controls you know hats off to operations and the IT department for helping us with this process,” said Hillsborough Schools Superintendent Addison Davis. Good thing Mr. Davis is a superintendent and not an English teacher during this e-learning process, or any learning process for that matter.

District officials found parents selling the food online and parents who had the food stockpiled in their cars. Did anyone go to jail? We digress.

Parents now have to provide their child’s name and school ID number before they can pick up food, and they are not allowed to pick up more than once. Those are smart thinking additions to the program. Would it be cheaper to just give them some money? It would be more efficient, too. Or, what if the parents actually fed their kids?

So let’s review in an e-learned sort of way. The government takes in tax dollars. They use some of it to pay teachers to do their job. They also buy lunches with it for kids. They give lunch away. Parents steal “free lunches.” Parents sell the food online. That last step is actually e-commerce.

Maybe there is no such thing as a free lunch, especially if you buy one online.