Last evening Lefty and Shorty were all but ready to close the Gulf Station.   Rain was falling from the heavens at an accelerating pace, mosquitoes were rolling in and cars were not.  Shorty- Why do we stay open until midnight?  Lefty- So that you and I can discuss one of the most influential people of the 21st century, Dr. Anthony “Tony” Fauci, who announced that he was retiring before the November midterms.

Lefty sat to the left of Shorty.  Imagine that.  Shorty sat on the shorter of the two “halves” of the 55-gallon drum about six feet apart.  Imagine that.  Each was cut down to size and retrofitted with a soft cushion top.

Lefty-  Can you believe what world influence he wielded? Shorty-  Meh. He was a not-so-great actor on a big stage with a constantly changing script. Lefty- Umm.  An actor?  Shorty-  Yes, actor.  But, he was not close to the best “Tony” actor of the last 22 years.   Lefty- I can’t believe you think…  Shorty- The best “Tony” actor had the last name of Soprano, Tony Soprano.

Lefty- What in the world does Tony Soprano have to do with Fauci.?  Shorty- They were similar.  Lefty- Wow! Go on.  Shorty- Well, one was tall and fat, the other short and thin, but.. Lefty- But what?  Shorty- Tony hired men to take a shot at hundreds.  Fauci hired Pfizer to give a shot to millions.

Lefty- Please.  Shorty- Tony was a habtual liar.  Fauci was too.  Lefty- Come on.  Fauci was following the science.  Shorty-  No, Fauci was following the money, same as Tony.  Both had huge egos.  Fauci wanted you to follow the scientist, not the science.  His act is now all played out.

Lefty- I can’t believe…Shorty- There’s more.  Lefty- God forbid!  Shorty- They both had women costars that acted subserviently.  Tony had Carmela, and Fauci had Dr. Birx.  Lefty- This should be interesting.  Shorty- Camela lied for Tony.  Birx lied for Fauci.  Lefty- I see.  Shorty- And, they both liked scarves.  Birx wore one every day.  Lefty- I’ll bite, what about Carmela?  Shorty- Once Tony had to buy back her loyalty after another dalliance and got her a Hermes scarf. She showed it off to all of her friends mispronouncing it as “her me’s. Lefty- So?  Shorty-  Unknowingly, pronoun identity may have begun right then and there.

Lefty- One of us could use a mafia necktie right about now.  Shorty- Fauci said that he wasn’t retiring, he was just going to the next chapter of his life. Lefty- Here’s a softball.  What do you think that might be?  Shorty- The N95 Masked Singer, what else?  But, he might also get to work with Rand Paul soon.

Lefty- What else?  Fifteen minutes of my life, I’ll never get back.  Lock the place up, I’m out.  Shorty-  Well, at least we socially distanced tonight.