Happy Shwanza and New Year, Part 2

Yesterday we laid out the way the first half of 2023 will go.  Today we tackle the last half.  The glass is half full.

July

Prez Biden celebrates our nation’s independence on July 4th with a socially distanced, mask-wearing picnic on the WH lawn.  He reminds America that he was one of the original signers of the Declaration back in 1776.  Aaron Judge suffers a torn patella tendon rounding third on his 49th HR trot, ending the Yankees season and his chase for the single-season all-time record.  One hundred and seventy-five billion in, Zelenskyy gives Biden a stiff arm as China agrees to rebuild Ukraine for considerations TBD.

August

Bette Midler fills in for vacationing WH Press Secretary Joy Behar and actually sings her inept responses.  Texas Governor Greg Abbott files paperwork with the US Government announcing the state’s intent to secede from the country.  Marc Zuckerberg resigns from FB and joins Elon Musk at Twitter sending the lib community into mass hysteria.  Back in March, the National Weather Service predicted 21 named storms by 8/31.  To date, only two have been named.  Kamala says, “climate change is all about climate change and climate change is so bad that it is preventing storms from being formed in this climate.”

September

The San Diego Padres end the MLB season with 111 victories and secure home-field throughout the playoffs.  AOC intros a bill to change Labor Day’s name.  She says, “it’s misogynistic to people who identify as having given birth.”   Tom Brady makes his debut as starting quarterback for the Las Vegas Raiders.  LeBron James tells Cleveland, “I’m coming home for the third time” as the Lakers work out a trade with the Cavaliers for him.  23andMe outs Pete Buttigieg as Pee Wee Herman’s nephew.

October

Canadian PM Trudeau signs a bill banning all guns in Canada.  Stacy Abrams is appointed as Georgia State Election Commissioner.  She pledges to count every vote cast in the great state at least once.  The Houston Astros defeat The NY Mets four games to two and are back-to-back WS Champions.  The buzz in H Town is louder than the one Jose Altuve never wore.  All J6 prisoners are freed when video surfaces of a high-eye-browed Nancy Pelosi saying it was her greatest ruse ever.  Home Depot severs its association with Paul Pelosi the next day saying Nancy’s revelation was like getting hit over the head.

November

Canadian geese no longer migrate and overrun Toronto, Montreal, and Vancouver.  The FBI finally releases the last of the JFK files.  They are heavily redacted but have the names Carlos Marcello, Lucky Luciano, and Giuseppe Magliocco up, down, and all around the documents.  Mitch McConnell announces that he had corrective Lasik surgery.  Trading in shares of eyeglass maker companies was halted on Wall St for the remainder of the day.

December

Joe Biden formally announces for 2024.  He beamed, ” Yes, I am running for a second term as Vice President.  Much has been done, but is much is, um, is, well you know the deal man.”  Putin invades Poland with the three tanks he has left.  A ceasefire is proclaimed the next day.  Biden vows to rebuild all of Poland and sends Kamala over there to announce the aid.  She opens her remarks, “It’s so great to be here at the North Pole.”  Santa shakes his head but saddles up the reindeer and rolls the sleigh a day early to beat the next bomb cyclone.

 

We have a lot to look forward to.  See you next year!

 

 

Take out the Trash

Let us dispell two myths this AM.  One, cheaters never win.  Two, any press is good press.  Both are false.

The Astros won the 2017 World Series and cheated using a player-driven electronic sign-stealing scheme throughout the regular season and straight through the World Series.  MLB warned all 30 clubs early that September that electronic sign stealing was against the rules and that GM’s and managers would be held responsible for any violations.

The press, after the MLB report finding the Astros guilty was released in early January, unleashed their vitriol towards the Astros organization and it has been anything but good for them.  The team has compounded the negative sentiment with one PR blunder after another.  Owner Jim Crane tripped all over himself attempting to set the record straight from the Florida spring training site last week.  Players from multiple teams have taken turns talking, complaining, and even whining about it as well.

But, let’s get some facts straight, offer some opinions, and even make some predictions about the circus that is the Astros organization right now.

  1.  They were guilty and are paying a steep price.  The GM and manager were held accountable, suspended by MLB, and fired by Crane.  MLB fined the team 5 million bucks, the most allowed by the franchise/league agreement.  Additionally, the team forfeits its first and second round amateur draft picks in 2020 and 2021.  If you want more blood you can scream that the team should “give back” its 2017 World Series trophy and renounce its title.  Good luck.  MLB declined to do so.  You can’t undo what is done.  Take the trophy back?  Sure.  It’s a symbol, not an outcome.
  2. A.J. Hinch was suspended for half a year and fired by Crane.  Hinch was against the scheme, busted two monitors to show his displeasure, but never stood up and said: “stop this.”  His reputation, sterling throughout the game otherwise, took a hard hit up the middle.  It says here that he’ll take the year away from the game, rehab his rep through another chance, perhaps as an assistant for another team for a year or two, and will be back managing before 2024.  He’s too good for all 30 owners to pass him by for too long.
  3. GM Jeff Luhnow might be done in MLB.  He’s ahead of the game analytically. He’s tough to work with.  He’s not too popular league-wide.  He might get another chance as a paid employee, but a better guess might be as a third-party consultant in personnel matters.
  4. The scheme stopped very early in 2018 and ceased to exist beyond that per the investigation.  The Astros success (lost 2018 playoffs and 2019 World Series) after 2017 is legit.  Players actually interviewed asked for the process to halt because they “found it to be a distraction while batting, not a help.”  Anyone can rail all they wish about 2017, but the team won over 100 games a year since.  It’s just such a bad look.
  5. Seven of the nine primary position players in the 2017 batting order had better-hitting stats on the road than at home.  The five best players’ regular season splits are below. Maybe they would have hit even worse at home if no one banged on a garbage can.  That we will never know.  It is true that the postseason splits favor the home Astros greatly over the road.  But, the sample size is so much smaller than the regular season.  Postseason pitching in a short series factors greatly in that as well.  Your ace and deuce might pitch all four home games in a seven-game series.
  6. The Yankees lost to the Astros in seven in the 2017 ALCS.  The home team won all seven games.  In Minute Maid the Yankees scored 1,1,1, and 0 in four losses.  In the Bronx they scored 8,6, and 5 in three wins.  The Yanks weren’t banging a trash can at home, they just hit a lot better.  They didn’t hit a lick at Minute Maid regardless of the Astros playing outside of the chalk lines.
  7.  The Boston Red Sox lost to the Astros in the 2017 ALDS.  They worked the Astros in the ALCS while on their way to the 2018 World Series championship.  They are under investigation themselves for the same reasons during their 2018 season.   Pot.  Kettle.  Not good.
  8.   The only thing worse than “did Jose Altuve wear a device to get signals about pitches?” is that Carlos Correa painstakingly defended him.  If Altuve did, is it worse than listening for the beat of the drum anyway?  Maybe he did, and maybe he didn’t.  Audio only uncovers 23 discernable trash can bangs all year for Altuve batting at home.  It’s been said by a few teammates that Altuve asked that it stop while he batted.  Maybe so, maybe not.  He hit .338 in 2016 with no accusations and .346 in 2017 with accusations.  He’s a lifetime .315 hitter and has nearly 1600 hits in 9 MLB seasons.
  9.  The popular theory for 2020 is that Astros batters will get plunked repeatedly for their wayward ways and arrogance since.  Maybe so.  Several sites have even put a betting over/under line on it.  It’s 83.5 four-seamers to the hip on the year.  Last year they were hit 66 times.  Take the under.  MLB has already warned teams that fines and suspensions are available for any intentional beanballs.
  10. The damage to the game and to the Astros organization is done and it’s significant.  They should have apologized profusely from the owner down to the bat boy and moved on.  They didn’t.  Now would be a great time to fire the whole PR team and hire a new one, and have the players shut up and play ball.

Is this scandal the worst in baseball history?  Maybe.  Shoeless Joe Jackson and his White Sox teammates supposedly threw WS games 100 years ago.  Pete Rose bet on baseball while actively managing the Reds.  A host of players took steroids and hit it further and threw it faster than ever before.  Time will sort it all out.

Right now the Astros organization smells bad.  At least they finally took the trash cans out.