JLo

Ten Piece Nuggets-Super Bowl and More

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

You had way, way too much chip, dip, and beer.  It’s time to get back to your routine.  Here’s a serving of Ten Piece Nuggets.  Chew them slowly and drink lots of water to rehydrate.

  1.  Jay Z and Beyonce’ had seats on the 50-yard line.  They sat in them all game including during Demi Lovato’s swift 1:50 rendition of the National Anthem.  It’s hard to say what they were protesting.  Jay Z signed a deal with the NFL recently to promote “social justice.”  Are they dissatisfied with the capitalistic society that they wisely profited from to afford such expensive seats?  Maybe they’re still mad at the NFL’s hands-off attitude towards malcontent Colin Kaepernick?  Wouldn’t it be something if the seats were comped by the big, bad, ugly NFL?
  2. If San Francisco had Kaepernick this season they surely could have done better.  Wait.  It would be hard to have done better upon further review.  They were the number one seeded NFC representative in the Super Bowl after all.
  3.  Maybe a good SF offense and a really good San Fran defense just ran into a better team when all 60 minutes were played.  After all, Patrick Mahomes is the first under 25 years of age QB to win the league’s MVP Award and win a Super Bowl.  The future seems quite bright for the young lad flourishing in an Andy Reid offense tailored to play to his strengths, of which there are many.
  4. Mahomes came to Miami without a title and left with one.  Maybe he’ll be like LeBron.  When the King arrived in Miami a while back he promised not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not even seven titles.  Quarterbacks, given today’s rules that so favor their health and production, can easily play into their forties.  LeBron has changed addresses twice since then and has three rings and counting.  How many will Mahomes, the best QB in the league, be able to garner?
  5. Another great QB arrived in Miami once.  It was 1983, and a man named Daniel Constantine Marino, Jr. was drafted late in the first round by the Dolphins.  He led the Dolphins to the Super Bowl in only his second year, 1984.  And after 9 Pro Bowl Appearances, one league MVP, and 18 playoff games he never went back to another Super Bowl in his 17 year Hall of Fame career.  Fame wasn’t fleeting for him, Super Bowl wins were.
  6.  Did you bet the J Lo will or won’t flash a little butt cleavage novelty proposition?  If you bet the “will” BBR thinks you lost.  But, or should we say butt, that was some of the only skin covered in the high energy, fast-moving halftime extravaganza.  Shakira and J Lo shook, rattled, and rolled and even used a stripper pole.  Wasn’t it just yesterday that the NFL apologized for the outrageous behavior of Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson?
  7. Turning the page, but speaking of having skin in the game, Donald Trump congratulated the Kansas City Chiefs and the great state of Kansas last night after the SB victory in a tweet.  Not too long thereafter, he corrected his tweet to read the great state of Missouri.  That’s the problem with screen grabs though.  It’s out there now, forever.  Of course, the NFL seemed to not have a problem with what Shakira and J Lo grabbed on screen.  But we digress.  Trump is forever impeached anyway.  So said none other than a not so somber and prayerful Nancy Pelosi early last week.
  8. The Donald will deliver his State of the Union Address to Congress Tuesday PM.  Like Jay Z and Beyonce’, roughly half of the members of Congress will likely sit for the entire proceedings in protest of the President and all that he actually stands for.  And, as of now, the plan is that the Senate will acquit him Wednesday of both charged articles of impeachment.  Put a tent over the circus that currently is under the rotunda, please.
  9. The football season ended last evening.  But the primary season begins today.  The Democratic hopefuls will watch with interest usually reserved for Super Bowl viewing at the results in Iowa, the first whistle stop.  Polls (not the one J Lo abused) show Crazy Bernie Sanders with about a five-point lead 25-20 over Joe Biden going into today.  Bernie can make it rain at the Democratic Party’s party.
  10. Joe might not really want to win though after he takes a look at how Republican Senator Joni Ernst rained on his parade this past weekend. “Joe Biden should be very careful what he’s asking for because, you know, we can have a situation where if it should ever be President Biden, that immediately, people right the day after he would be elected would be saying, ‘Well, we’re going to impeach him,’” Ernst said.  Ernst explained that an impeachment case against Biden could be made “for being assigned to take on Ukrainian corruption yet turning a blind eye to Burisma because his son was on the board making over a million dollars a year” during his time as vice president under Obama.

It’s only seven months till football starts up again.  And, it’s only nine months till the general election.   The butt cleavage exposure never ends so to speak.

How J Lo Can Bets Go?

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

It’s just three days till Super Bowl LIV.   Will Kansas City, favored by 1 and 1/2 points, score enough to defeat San Francisco and it’s Gold Rush defense?  You can bet either side of that of course.  But, did you know that you can bet on a few, well, um, interesting novelty propositions before and during the game as well?

Sports gambling has entered a new era with the legalization federally of sportsbooks by state if the state so chooses.   And, speaking of a new era, check out these opportunities to get rich quick below.

  1.  The National Anthem Bet–  Will two time Grammy Award winner Demi Lovato sing the national anthem in under/over 2 minutes and 4 and 1/2 seconds? All of Lovato’s six previous national anthem performances lasted under two minutes, with the exception of her rendition at the Mayweather-McGregor bout, which rang in at 2:11.   We’ll take the under and hope that Demi doesn’t inhale too deeply prior to “home of the brave.”
  2.  The Gatorade Bet- If Gatorade is dumped on the winning head coach will it be red/clear for +$150, or any other color for -$200? We’ll take any other color.  Red would match either coach’s garb in all likelihood, so it should be considered.  Though Andy Reid looks to BBR as no slave to fashion.
  3. The TD Toss Bet- Will any player who scores a TD throw the ball into the stands?  It’s +$150 that one does, and -$200 that he keeps the keepsake all for himself.  We’ll take the toss into the stands.  We’re counting on a decked out fan begging for the ball, or a nearby mom, or a multiple TD game from a participant.
  4. The Total Weight of Player’s Scoring TD’s Bet-  Will 1399 and 1/2 pounds of combined humans score touchdowns or less?  It’s an expensive -$120 to take either side of the poundage.  Careful, if one player scores more than once his weight is only counted once.  We’ll take under the weight total and hope like heck that no lineman scoop and score.  Someone in Vegas actually decided that 1399 and 1/2 was the proper total.  This ensures a loser and a winner, thereby making the $20 vig a nice winner for them and a loser for John Q. Public.
  5. The J Lo Butt Cleavage Bet-  We aren’t making this up.  It’s +$190 that she does and -$280 that she doesn’t.  The prop bet recognizes plumber crack or the reverse butt cleavage as a YES.  We still aren’t making this up.  We’ll go no butt cleavage betting that the Janet Jackson “accident” has been reviewed with Ms. J Lo and approved by Alex Rodriguez.  We’re also hoping, really hoping, that Andy Reid remembers his belt.  But, we digress.

Your predictions are welcome in the comments.  Your butt cleavage is not.

 

It’s One, Two, Three Strikes You’re All Out

Posted on by thependulumswings staff

As Democrats come to grips with the fact that the Russian Collusion was only a Russian Illusion, they can at least revel in the fact that the recent Michael Cohen testimony provided ample evidence that the tax evading, disgraced lawyer paid 130k on Donald Trump’s behalf to silence porn star Stormy Daniels.  Michael Avenatti, Stormy’s stand up lawyer, told us that all along.

Of course it looks like the brash lawyer Avenatti ran afoul of the law himself yesterday.  He was arrested for an “alleged” attempt to extort 20 million in loose change from nike saying he had the goods on them improperly paying and influencing amatuer basketball.  And he was going public with the info prior to their earnings announcement if they didn’t pay up.  The good lawyer also has a few tax non-payment problems like Cohen does to clear up.

Much like Trump did for months on end, Avenatti stood up and proclaimed his utter innocence yesterday on the steps of the jailhouse from which he was sprung after shelling out bail money.  Too bad the judge didn’t set the amount at 130k.   Karma is a witch you know, or something like that.

Also claiming his innocence yesterday was Robert Kraft. A not so small problem for him is that the police claim to have video of him in the act of paying for the act and in the act of the act. He pleaded not guilty to two misdemeanor counts of first degree solicitation for prostitution.  The prosecutor’s office offered a deal to avoid jail time, but Kraft wants a jury trial in an attempt to be fully exonerated.  There is no quit in Kraft.

Speaking of quitting and or avoiding jail time, Conor McGregor decided to stop kicking and hung up his mixed martial arts gloves Monday announcing his retirement.  This was just in the k(n)ick of time.  Why?  It turns out that Tuesday news broke that a women in Dublin, Ireland accused Conor of sexual assault in a high-end hotel that he frequents.  Conor, while not yet charged with this crime, has had a few run ins with the law.  No comment yet from his camp or Irish law enforcement.

There also has been no comment yet from the very recently engaged, perfect couple of Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez on the stormy allegation  ex Playmate Zoe Gregory dropped yesterday.  Zoe, a Londoner, accused the bloke of sexting her in the weeks just before A Rod popped the ultimate question to J Lo.  Apparently A Rod popped another kind of ultimate question to Zoe as well.  Oh, and he asked her repeatedly if she could bring a friend along for some of the fun too.  So intimate.  The more the merrier for the soon to be married man.

The more the merrier indeed.  Cohen helped Trump who helped Stormy who was helped by Avenatti.  If you are keeping score like we do in sports, that’s two “go directly to jail” lawyers, one Prez, and one porn star.  Kraft and Conor proclaim their innocence.  That’s an NFL owner and a kick boxer who owned his competition.  And then there is J Lo and ARod.  That’s a great singer and a great MLB player on and off of the diamond.   However, off of the diamond he may have struck out one more time.

WWTWT.  What would Tiger Woods Think?